You have a friend you love. You two get wings every Tuesday and get drunk every Friday and Saturday and Sunday and when one of you suggests an absurd idea like attempting to drink an entire keg while watching action movies, the other is already driving to the beer and DVD store while texting “Fuck yea.”
Basically, it’s a Bromance. He loves you, you love him and you both love whiskey. And beer. And girls. Action movies. And whiskey. If you weren’t afraid people would laugh at you, you’d call him your bestie.
But are there some rules to Bromancing? Of course there are, and we are here to present them to you, olde English/Moses Old Testament-style like they are the word of God, because they are.
Thou Shall Not Forsake Thy Bro When He Chooses Hoes Before Bros
You are both men and you both like women. It’s inevitable a girl will come up in one of your lives. And when he selects her (for a weekend or even a year) you mustn’t fume or fret. For thy Bro is thine Bro regardless of how he interacts with Hoes.
Thou Shalt Not Get Upset With Thy Bro’s Actions When Under the Influence
Bros sip thine wine all thy time. Sometimes they get a little drunk. The important thing is: even when he’s dragging you into a street brawl at three a.m., you do not chastise him the next morning. Thine Bro feels enough shame.
Thou Shalt Lie For Thy Bro When Thine Bro Needs So
There is a moral obligation to help out thy Bro. Even if thy Bro’s actions upset you, you mustn’t forsake thy Bro. Be it entanglements with drug dealers or his philandering. Lie. Lie. Lie (yes, this breaks one of those Jesus commandments but whatever).
For more reasons why you should embrace your college years check out 22 Jump Street, in theatersJune 13th. To Jump Twice, you can see special screenings of 21 Jump Street before you see 22 at theaters June 12 – get your tix!