Yale will forever be without a doubt the weirdest of the Ivys. So it hardly comes as a surprise that someone is getting their jollies there by pooping in laundry machines. According to the Yale Daily News, someone is going around the school's student laundry rooms and pooping in the dryers, ruining clothes with fecal matter. Students are calling the suspect "the poopetrator":
In the late evening of Sept. 7, Lucy Fleming ’16 opened the dryer in the Saybrook College laundry room to an unpleasant surprise.
Her clothes were soiled with human feces, and it took the physical delivery of the excrement to the Saybrook Master’s Office to catch administrators’ attention.
In the past several weeks, an unknown individual or group, who students have dubbed the ‘poopetrator,’ has repeatedly defecated in students’ laundry, leaving many fearful about the safety of their clothes. After an additional episode was reported on Sept. 26, Saybrook Master Paul Hudak announced that Yale Police has officially joined the investigation and is seeking further information.
The machines have been disinfected and students are being asked to not leave their laundry unattended. Ivy Gate has more details from an e-mail it exclusively obtained from the dorm master:
Someone has been doing weird, creepy, and (frankly) disgusting things in the Laundry Room. This must stop immediately. If you have observed something of this nature, or know who the perpetrator might be, please let me know. I can’t imagine why someone would do these things, but it has got to stop, and we will take measures to be sure it does.
Thanks, -Master Hudak
And Yale's Rumpus Magazine did an interview with a laundry poop victim:
To be honest it was mostly pure unadulterated incredulity of the are-you-fucking-kidding-me variety. I mean, the entire reason my laundry was in this top dryer in the first place was that someone had already urinated on it in the bottom dryer [emphasis ours], so I had to rewash the whole thing (with extra detergent). And I remember having thought back then, Well, at least they didn’t poop on it. But there you go. …
I did send an email to the Saybrook Master’s Office that included my plan to instigate a Laundry Vigil, which was not entirely a joke. My suitemates and I are still considering it, since now two of us have had our laundry urinated on. It’s an epidemic apparently.
The madness... The madness... The phantom pooper must be stopped.
Laundry pic via Shutterstock