Today I read an article written by a women on why her peers aren’t getting asked out. Although it makes sense on why these women are not KEEPING dates (…boyfriends, whatever), I think she’s missing a really important point on why these people aren’t getting asked out in the FIRST PLACE. I am no expert on how to keep a man, as I’ve only had one serious relationship in my entire life and aside from that I tend to drive men away after a few weeks or so. However, while I am unable to write any kind of advice on how to hold down a successful relationship, I have been on quite a few first dates (15+). Some of them result in a second, or third date; others not so much. Many of my friends claim they never get asked out (by people who don’t previously know/love them as friends), and this is why.
1. She’s SO unapproachable.
Do you walk around doing errands with your headphones in? Sunglasses on? What makes you think the hot guy on the street is going to stop you and start talking to you with your music blasting? K. You’re in the zone. So while John Mayer may be serenading you through Pandora, you will have difficulties finding a real-life boyfriend to sing you sweet love songs. Sorry but nobody is going to risk their life climbing a Ferris wheel just to ask you out.
2. She’s a “Black-out Barbie”
I get you– Grey Goose is a girls best friend. However, while you may be fun as f*ck (worthy of some girls gone wild sh*t), you aren’t the girl guys imagine themselves settling down with. My best friend is the coolest girl I know, but she has this thing where she likes to blackout and then fall asleep at parties. I like to think that if I were a guy she’d be my first pick as a girlfriend, but why would I choose to date a girl with alcohol induced narcolepsy? Everyone loves a train wreck, its what gets you the most <3s on Vine, but nobody wants to fall in love with a train wreck. Love you girl, but get that handle out of your hand.
3. She puts out.
I understand that this is the 21st century and as women we can do whatever and whomever we please. However– that doesn’t mean your one-night-stand is any more likely to call you back. Whether you’re the bold betch who takes her top off at parties, or the girl who lures hotties into the corner, you’re f’ing up. If he’s hot as can be and you’re on vacation, go for it; have that night of fun. If you have this magical connection on the barstool, half-put-out (makeout) and leave him with your phone number. If he doesn’t call you, it wasn’t meant to be… and at least you didn’t give up your # (get it [;)] )
4. She’s stuck in a rut
if every weekend you’re hanging out with the same crowed, going to the same bars/parties, you’re going to find yourself in an unfortunate situation. Your guy friend isn’t suddenly going to see you as girlfriend material if they don’t already. If you’re not meeting any new people whatsoever, you’re certainly not going to meet someone who is boyfriend material.
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5. She won’t settle for anything short of a Nicolas Sparks novel
Ryan Gosling is my dream man blah blah blah, you are no Rachel McAdams (and if you are I am SO flattered you’re reading my blog<33). Nobody is going to come to your door begging for your forgiveness anymore, and if they do you’ll probably put out a restraining order. We live in a land made up of puppy-face snapchats and forgiveness texts. The closest thing you’ll ever get to the big screen is probably the new video option on Instagram. A relationship request on Facebook is the new bouquet of roses and dinner with the parents. Your best bet at meeting a commitment seeking man is probably Ok Cupid or Tinder…or something…. Move the F on.
6. She plays hard-to-get
The rule about waiting three days before calling someone after meeting them is absolutely dead. However, while I wish I could say games themselves are thrown out the window– we still prefer people who play hard-to-get. Its not that we LOVE the chase, for some reason we just find ourselves more intrigued by guys who don’t double-text us. We assume all those guys are lame and instead day dream about the men who text us sparingly and then we proceed to call them on repeat after a late night of drinking. That guy who calls you late at night? Creepy……… ohhhhhhhh.
7. What other people think haunts her
As much as we like to believe we don’t care what others think about us, peer approval is a reality of life. As a reformed high school hoe, I lost a lot of my self esteem because the guys I was “giving my all” to weren’t making any effort to date me. I wasn’t confident around guys for awhile and they must have taken notice, because nobody wanted to date me for a long time (admittedly I don’t have the MOST datable personality, so that could have been a contribution). No guy wants to date a girl who has a track record that is public knowledge, and even new guys you just meet will sense a lack of confidence.
8. She would rather make it work with a guy she KNOWs cares about her
Falling in love is exhausting and getting to know someone takes a lot of time. Sometimes its just easier to fight through a relationship in search of “happiness”, as opposed to putting yourself out there and meeting new people. JUST KIDDING, NO ITS NOT. There is nothing more emotionally exhausting than “fighting” for a relationship that was obviously not meant to last. There are billions of people in this world, and obviously this person ISN’T THE ONE FOR YOU. However, by staying with this person (or facebook stalking them from a distance) you are preventing yourself from developing feelings for someone else, someone who better caters to your needs.
9. She’s too obsessed with her girlfriends
When every night is “girls night” and you spend every waking moment with/group-texting your bitches, you aren’t giving enough attention to the outside world. Winter comes and you turn in your dancing shoes for joints, bandage dress for sweats and you can expect to hibernate….. dry-spell. Sure your sour patch watermelons and nachos may feel good in the moment, but you haven’t changed your profile picture in months, and most of your late-night texters have even even lost contact…
10. Her social media presence is WAY too intense
When you’re all over the internet, people feel like they know you even when they don’t. Maybe you tweet #foreveralone more than necessary, maybe you flood Facebook with overly-opinionated/uninformed political statuses, or perhaps you have a blog where you pick apart the behavior of men and talk openly about your love life.
Stop blaming your #foodporn and your love of cats. Being single isn’t bad at all, but everyone likes a free dinner (and a little attention).
Republished with permission from Sparkles and Secrets