College
by Steve Coulter on September 6, 2013

If you didn’t know this already, then that must be one hell of a utopia you’ve been living in because this isn’t exactly breaking news.

With heinous government over-spending, plummeting test scores and crippling student loan rates, the future of education in the good old USA isn’t looking too bright either.

But, you don’t come to this website to hear about all these negatives, so let’s take a shortcut and get to the 10 reasons why you shouldn’t bother attending college classes.

1. Professors

Professors are merely academics who have returned to the classroom after a few years of real life experience, or in some cases none at all. Regardless, they are simply milking the golden cow of higher education to hear themselves talk, while the schools that pay their ridiculous salaries continue to rip off hundreds of thousands eager teens each and every fall.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I think teachers are an important part of our society (my mom’s been a elementary teacher for almost 35 years). However, college professors aren’t at the front of the battle lines, teaching kids the fundamentals of math or English. They are the soldiers who are casually watching from a distance afraid to get their uniform dirty. They don’t give two shits if you pass, fail or drop the course. You are a dollar sign to them, which means it’s a completely one-sided relationship. I can’t respect someone who automatically disrespects me.

2. Class size

Surprisingly, this is not No. 1 on this list. If your class size is bigger than 50 people, then there is really is no need to show up. You won’t learn anything in this type of environment anyways, so why even try? I know it sounds lazy — and probably one of the root causes of why our education system is in the shitter — but what’s the point of doing something if nobody notices you? If you’re professor doesn’t know whether or not your in class and doesn’t care if you are, then doesn’t that mean you’re not actually present? Thinking…

3. Test scores > participation

I always enjoyed classroom participating and that’s probably why I always ended up with average grades. Why? Because across the country participating in class is valued at about 10% whereas test scores are where a bulk of the grade comes from — anywhere from 50 to 75% in value. If test scores are all that matter, then doesn’t that make the idea of attending class to participate in discussion futile?

Trust me, for the guys who like to talk in class, I don’t like this but this is the reality of the system so you mine as well get used to it and take advantage.

4. Paycheck

Your paycheck out of college will never, ever be determined by how many times you go to or miss class — I can personally guarantee that. Sure, your grades may tank if you’re not showing but that’s really inconsequential to the long-term outcome. The thought that your salary depends on what type of student you were is absolute nonsense and should be dismissed. Plus, they’re going to train and teach you how to do everything wherever you work so no matter how attentive you were in the classroom, the really important learning process happens once you leave school and enter the working world.

5. General requirements

General requirements and electives make you dumber I’m convinced. For my math requirement at school, I took an art class about art and drawing and how it applies to math. Will I ever use what I learned in that class? Hell no. Better yet, do I even remember anything that was taught to me in that class? Not a chance. Get the picture here? If the goal of school is to learn and you’re not going to retain anything — i.e. not learn it, then what’s the point of even going? Exactly. Glad we’re on the same page here.

Second biggest waste of time behind only…

6. Electives

What’s the point of attending a class you are taking strictly to rack up credits and plays no part in your major or minor? Exactly. If there’s ever a reason to go out drinking and miss your morning class, it’s because you scheduled pottery (or is it poetry?) at 9 a.m. on Thursdays. I’m convinced schools want you to take electives so you realize how mindless it is to pay tens of thousands of dollars for something that brings you absolutely nothing in return.

On second thought, they definitely don’t want us to realize that or maybe we’d actually, you know, formulate a more cost efficient system to replace this decrepit and decaying scheme that’s in place now. Sorry, I’m bitter. That brings us to…

7. Majors

While certain majors actually do help people when they get in the real world — accountants and engineers, in particular, most of us will make a leap into a career that has nothing to do with our major. And even if we don’t, attending classes in your own major still isn’t all that necessary because you’re going to have to relearn these skills when you go through the aforementioned corporate training. Department heads will tell you its valuable to be as active in your major’s school, but that’s a boldface lie. You may or may not get long-term career help and you certainly won’t get back all that time listening to guest lecturers and student-hosted debates. My advice: eschew all the departments feign attempts to build comrade — in the class room or outside of it.

8. Sleep > boredom

If you know that class only puts you to sleep, then why not cut out the middle man altogether? Classes that don’t spark any interest aren’t necessary to attend because without the passion to learn, you can’t learn all that much.

9. Classmates

This one should probably be higher, but sometimes you’re in a class with no allies so that leaves you in an all or nothing type situation. Most of the time though, you can establish a rotation with a few classmates so you only have to go to a half or a third of the classes and still get all the stuff you missed, if its important (most of the time it isn’t.)

10. Textbooks

Everything that happens in class comes from another source unless your teacher is a wizard and in that case, class should be something you attend. My point here though is that you can learn anything you need to know in a pinch by simply reading through the material in your class textbook. This kind of renders the whole action of getting up and walking to class pointless unless you’re going to take a test.

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