College
by David Covucci on November 7, 2013

What, you thought attending the finest, most prestigious university in the land would be without hardship? No. First, students suffered though the traumatic, life-altering experience of having fewer squirrels on campus than before. Could a school endure more? Yale would have to, because things got eminently worse when it was theorized someone might be pooping in all the laundry. (No one was pooping in the laundry.)   

Now, the biggest indignation of all, as it turns out the bucolic campus is littered with the corpses of elderly men, rotting in the town of New Haven, exposing Yale not as the bastion of higher learning it so claims to be but what it really is, an open-air cemetery in the middle of Connecticut. 

According to the Yale Daily News, student-residents of 162 Park Street noticed a strong odor emanating from the first-floor apartment in September and contacted building manager Pike International multiple times about the smell. It wasn't until the New Haven Police Department investigated on Oct. 28 that the body of an elderly man was discovered.

First off, I wouldn't trust the sense of smell of a Yale man, either. Kudos, property manager for sticking to your guns. What do white boys from Danbury know about the stench of death? Perhaps if they smelled tennis rackets, I would deem to believe a clay court was near. But dead people? No.

Now, we worry about the fate of this class of Yale. Has a student body endured more in a scant few months? Will The Yale University ever be the same? Are four years of American society set to be squandered, as our best and brightest are left not leading, but trembling from squirrel-poop-death-induced PTSD? Only time will tell.

[Via The Huffington Post]