Poaching a cougar is one of the more difficult and more delicate pursuits a young man can undertake, and that is why all bros should proceed with caution when approaching an older woman, especially in college.
And when I say, “proceed with caution,” I mean before you make a move, or before you even think about making a move, practice your game and make sure it works. Like everything in life, practice makes perfect.
If you can’t get with chicks your age or younger to bang you, then how the hell are you going to have the confidence to go all in on a hot upperclassman and make it work in your favor? Don’t ever be intimidated by the mountain; however, don’t expect to climb to the top on your first time without any previous experience.
Remember, you can’t hit a homerun without batting practice. Give yourself the necessary reps so you’re ready when the moment comes to not only act, but \ you can act without hesitation.
Once you’ve made the decision to go over and buy her that drink, you need to have any semblance of self doubt fully erased and the only thing pulsating through your blood should be sheer confidence.
What do you have to lose, right? I’d be willing to bet there aren’t many other men — younger or older — that have the self assurance of some 18 year old hopped up on liquor with nothing else to lose.
If you’re a freshman, and you’re reading this, I say go for it. However, before you do read this list of 10 things you shouldn’t say to an upperclassman when you approach her with sexual intent:
1. “What’s your year?”
Doesn’t matter. She’s a person just like you and I, why treat her any different? Did you go around high school parties asking that question? Exactly. It doesn’t fucking matter. Most importantly, year is just some dumb ass label the academic bureaucracies have labeled us with to confuse us even more as we go through college.
Your year in school doesn’t say anything about age, occupation, where you’re from, what your interests are, etc. Try and get to know this chick. If you talk nice enough to her, she will reveal everything you want to know about her without having to ask her a question that may trigger that impulsive freshman boy alarm. Trust me, college chicks are pretty good at reading if you’re new to the game. They can smell it.
2. “I’m a freshman…”
This is going to sound harsh but she doesn’t give two shits about you dude, so why the hell would you need to say something that’s only going incriminate you to the point where she’s walking away immediately rather than half-listening to what you have to say for a few minutes before she makes her decision on what to do next. Similar to No. 1, you want to engage with her. Let her do all the talking and just pick and choose your moments to insert a funny side comment or observation.
Like Paul Rudd’s character said in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, do less. The more you try, the quicker you are going to reveal who you are and that’s not a good thing. Unless….
3. “Are you into younger guys?”
Some chicks are and those are the ones you can bring home and record a few points on the old freshman scoreboard. However, a large majority of chicks will dismiss you if you ask them this bluntly. You have to use some elements of deceit here — she shouldn’t know your age until the deed is done. Therefore, when you ask her within moments of introducing yourself if her sex fantasy includes riding some 18-year-old buck, then you’ve ruined the element of surprise.
If she asks your age, the answer is always old enough. If she presses you, don’t get defensive just play it cool. Hell be honest if she’s giving you good vibes and laugh it off like it’s not a big deal. Remember: act like you’ve been there before. You’ve taken the necessary swings at batting practice to be fully capable of smashing this one of the park. However, you will strike out looking if you over-think and believe that age matters. It doesn’t and that’s why hitting a cougar, although a challenge, is just as likely to happen as banging some dumb freshman broad who doesn’t know what the hell she wants or where she wants it.
4. “Can I buy you a drink?”
Don’t ask; just buy her the damn drink. The gesture in itself radiates confidence and tells her that rejection isn’t something that’s on your mind. Worse case situation: you’re buying two drinks for yourself. We’ve all done this before and it’s completely socially acceptable, so there really should be know fear. I’d estimate that 80 to 85% of the time she accepts the drink and lets you stay and talk. This is your time to shine.
On the other side of the coin, if waste time and ask her if she wants you to buy her a drink, you’re already tripping yourself up with too many possibilities that are completely out of your control. She could say no, she could say yes. She could say yes, but then say she has a boyfriend. She could say yes and run away with her group of girlfriends, giving you no time to make a move. And then, she could just flat out reject your offer because she recognizes a pussy when she sees one. After all, she walks around with it between her legs everyday.
5. “I’m sorry but I’m a bit drunk…”
This is usually followed with some half-ass compliment. I encourage you to compliment her all you want — tell her she’s beautiful; tell her she’s a knockout. Whatever you do though, don’t say sorry when you go in to flatter her. She will dismiss you and push you over. Say what you want to say, but similar to the rest of the items on this list, don’t pussy-foot around with what you mean to say. Be direct, be a man.
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