College
by BroBible Staff on August 24, 2013

1. Go Streaking

The chances of getting arrested for streaking increase dramatically after your school days are over — think professional sporting events, citywide parades, and political rallies. So unless you have aspirations of getting arrested and added to the public sex offender list, college is your best chance at running through a public place in your birthday suit.

2. Get Kicked out of a Bar

Not only is getting kicked out of a bar acceptable in college, it’s almost encouraged. Even though it may ruin the rest of your night, it always makes for a good story. This is also a way to gauge how cool a bar actually is. Every bar kicks people out, but only the cool ones let those people back in on a later date.

3. Hook Up with Two or More Girls in One Night

In my opinion, this is what your typical college frat party should be all about. They usually take place in a dark basement or back room with music blaring so loud your ears ring for days, while Fratty Lights are handed out like candy at a NAMBLA convention (you “South Park” fans know what I’m talking about). This is the perfect fratmosphere to bounce around the party and hook up with as many girls as possible.

4. Take an Exam Drunk

Not only is this something you should do before you graduate, I can almost guarantee you will have to do it in some way, shape, or form. Some exams take place at 8 a.m. and some take place in the evening. Either way, there is no way to avoid walking into an exam after a night out trolling for tail or after a day-drinking extravaganza. Just try not to let the professor notice.

5. Tell a Professor an Extended Family Member Died in Order to Get Out of an Exam (repeat as necessary)

Have you ever heard of the “Irresistible Force Paradox?” It’s the paradox formed with the question “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?” Well the unstoppable force is that immense desire you have to party your face off and the immovable object is that exam you should have been studying for for the past week. When this happens, you need to pull the “death in the family” card. Just simply tell a professor your Uncle Jack died and problem solved. Paradox my ass.

6. Double Team a Chick with a Bro

This one takes some finesse and requires the right circ*mstances. In most cases, Bros do not want a fellow Bro impeding on their sexual conquests, especially if it’s with a classy, hot broad. The only way to pull this one off is to find your local university c*m dumpster, who you don’t care about completely defiling and laughing about later. Once you’ve found your target, you and your fellow teammate need to develop a game plan. Obviously, asking this chick to get double stuffed right to her face will probably not work. Whatever your strategy is, make sure you keep in mind the most important rule, the only contact allowed between teammates is a high five.

7. Get so Drunk you Piss the Bed with a Girl in It

This is something that will probably just happen anyway. Read Tucker Max’s “The Pee Blame” to see how to handle this situation.

8. Bang a Fat Chick

Don’t go out looking for Sally Struthers every night but you might as well check this one off the list while you’re in college. It won’t be acceptable later in life. You could also try to play “Hog Race” with your buds. You each put $20 in the pot and whoever brings home the fattest chick, as agreed upon by the group, wins the pot. It's some good, clean fun.

9. Bang a Hot Chick

Make sure you do not graduate college without banging a few hotties. Hopefully this goes without saying, but if I left it off the list and someone forgot to bang a hot chick while they were in college I would feel terrible.

10. Get Drunk or Stoned with a Professor

Some professors are regulars at the local campus bars. Make sure you get a chance to pound a few brews with a cool professor of yours. If you get the chance to blaze up with a professor make sure you take it. Not only is this f*cking awesome, you’ll also lock up an A in the course.{pagebreak}

11. Throw a Paint Party

I have to say the best parties I have ever attended or thrown at college were “Paint Parties.” I feel bad for anyone that does not have the opportunity to experience this insane bash. All you need is a shit-ton of washable fluorescent paint, black lights, about 100 cases of your preferred party beer, and a good house/techno playlist or DJ. Make sure that you do this in a place you don’t mind covering with fluorescent paint. Everyone should wear a white T-shirt and generally girls don’t even where that. Things get pretty out of hand once the paint starts flying. You’ll thank me later for this one.

12. Bang a Chick in the Library

I have never heard a story of someone banging out in the library outside of college. This is your one and only opportunity for one of the ultimate sex stories. My advice is to find a crazy party girl who somehow manages to get good grades. Since it’s very unlikely she is smart enough to not study and get A’s, this must mean she spends a lot of time in the library. Try hooking up with this chick in some random places (a frat party, outside, the shower, etc.) prior to the big day in the non-fiction section. This should ease her into the idea. When you feel the timing is right and you know she is in the library, text her something like “Study break? Medieval French History section, 8 o’clock?” She should get the idea. Remember you’re only in college once so you might as well throw it out there.

13. Hook up with a RA/Professor

Any female RA in the dormitory will work. RAs are generally not the most popular girls and don’t have the highest self-esteems. This puts you in prime position to pretend to like them and get them all wet just thinking about you. False promises are encouraged — tell her, sure, you’ll organize the dorm-wide recycling campaign next semester. Not too much work involved in this one, except for the fact you may have to lower your standards for one night just to do it for the story. As far as a professor goes, your best bet is to be the teacher’s pet for a semester, wait until you’re not in her class anymore, and hope to see her out at the bars. Your other option would be to stay after class for some “extra help” and try to make a move then. Be careful with this one — it takes the right circ*mstances.

14. Get Arrested, or at Least Have a Run-In with the Cops

I know getting arrested sucks and no one ever wants to be behind bars (trust me, I’ve been thrown in the drunk tank four times), but it’s a good way to know if you are pushing it to the limit. In the long run, no one really cares if you had a couple run-ins with Johnny Law in college. I’m not saying to drive drunk or commit a felony, but if you throw a party that gets a little out of control, piss on the side of a building, or get an underage citation, it’s not the worst thing in the world and it is something you will laugh about later. However, while in the middle of constructing this list I found out your police record can affect your credit report later in life, so try to get that shit expunged. Growing up sucks.

15. Skip Class for an Entire Week

At some point in your college career there will be a week when class is just not an option (i.e. Greek Week, Welcome Week, Homecoming). There is no shame in skipping one week of classes out of the four years you are in college. Go ahead, you owe it to yourself, take a week off. See our article on drop/add period for some advice on how to do this and completely get away with it.

16. Cross-Country Road Trip

This is the ultimate Bro experience: three or four of your best friends on the open road crossing the greatest landscape in the world. I know not all Bros go to college on a coast so this one can be improvised. Make sure you have plenty of weed and solid tunes to pass the time. Just no drinking and driving.

17. Bang a Freshman on Freshman Move-in Day… Every Year

It’s funny that every freshman girl just assumes that every girl in college is a raging hoe. Although there are some amazing sl*ts in college, not every girl is one. But since all the freshmen think they are, they hoe out like Paris Hilton for the first few months of school. So freshman move-in day is basically like fishing with dynamite.

18. Spur-of-the-Moment Trip

This is essential to the college experience. College is the first time in your life you have the freedom to do almost whatever you want. When it’s a cold, depressing Friday in February and you don’t feel like going to the same bars you’ve been to every weekend for the past five months, take a trip somewhere. Hop in a car, a plane, a train, whatever, no one is stopping you.

19. Blackout and Wake Up with No Clue Where You Are

If you haven’t consumed enough alcohol in one night to completely blackout and wake up in some strange place, you’re not trying hard enough.

20. Have a 3-Way (the Good Kind)

This is the ultimate sex story. It is a rare experience only the chosen few are lucky enough to have. This will most likely happen at a party if two roommates are looking for it or if you can somehow convince your awesome girlfriend to bring in her best friend. Good luck and God speed.{pagebreak}

21. Steal a Sorority Composite, or Something Cool

This is a time-honored college tradition. It is your obligation as a frat-star to steal the composite of the hottest sorority on campus. If you don’t happen to be in a frat, think about a cool poster in a bar, or a rug in a restaurant around campus. These make for great additions to the pad.

22. Jump into a Massive Brawl

Fighting hurts and usually isn’t that fun. Nevertheless it happens. Try to avoid being the instigator but if your boys happen to find themselves in a heated situation, don’t hesitate to jump in. I was in the biggest fight of my life the first weekend of my freshman year; we’re talking 30 to 40 kids going at it. I got knocked out so cold I couldn’t remember my name, but hey, it’s all part of the fun.

23. Join a Frat or Team

I know frats are not for everyone and sports aren’t either. If you find yourself in this situation, hopefully you are the f*cking man and don’t need the support. Joining an organization like this makes life and getting laid a lot easier.

24. Smoke Pot

I get really frustrated with the kids that look down on you for smoking up a little (or a lot). This is usually because they have never tried it and don’t understand how harmless and relaxing Bob Marley’s favorite herb really is. You don’t need to become a pothead but you should most definitely give it a puff. It’s great for hangovers and bonding with the boys. It makes video games pretty fun, too. Don’t worry about getting in trouble either: It will be legal across the country in the next five years.

25. Go to a Toga Party

Toga parties are an American college tradition. Ever since our forefathers (John Belushi and the entire cast of “Animal House”) showed us the power of a toga party, college kids have been wrapping up in their bed sheets and throwing down harder than Caesar and the Romans.

26. Bang a Cougar

College kids are a cougar’s prey. Their self-esteems are so low after recently divorcing all they want to do is get railed out by a 21-year-old college stud. Not only is banging a cougar fun (if you can get passed the slightly looser skin) you’re also helping these nice women get over their relationship issues, then probably raising a lot more issues for her after you f*ck and run.

27. Survive Spring Break in Mexico and Get Laid Every Night

Ever since MTV came out with their spring break specials, Mexico has been a spring break Mecca. The great thing about Mexico is that nobody cares about anything down there. Not just the locals, but everyone on your trip. Chicks are feening for cock and it shouldn’t be too hard to find a spring break fling to have wild, unprotected sex with for a week.

28. Play Flag Football at Least One Season

Intramural sports are one of the most fun aspects of college. Most of the team take it pretty seriously and it’s a good chance to get back some of that competitive edge you had with whatever sport you played in high school.

29. Upper-Deck Someone’s Toilet

This hysterical prank is most definitely only acceptable in college. It involves taking a shit in the upper portion of the victim’s toilet. When the toilet is eventually flushed, the shit filled water comes flushing up the toilet hole much to the victim’s surprise. I’m not sure how much permanent damage it does — I never stuck around for the cleanup.

30. Set Fireworks Off Inside

There is nothing better (or worse) than waking up to the sweet sound of firecrackers being set off inside your house. I know when the prank is pulled right outside or even inside of your room it sucks, but trust me, one day you will miss this simple pleasure.{pagebreak}

31. Ice a Professor

If Icing is still going on in your neck of the woods, make sure you choose your professor wisely, but he should think it’s funny. Be creative too, I hate when someone just hands a Smirnoff Ice to someone with no element of surprise.

32. Flash Rave in the Library During Finals Week

During finals week when everybody is tired of pulling all-nighters and sick of chugging coffee, organize a flash rave in the library.

33. F*ck Two Roommates or Sisters

Roommates or sisters, this is bound to cause some controversy. Controversy for the girls that is absolutely f*cking hysterical to think about.

34. Study Abroad, or Somewhere Cool

Take a semester or summer and go some place cool to study. It’s basically like a vacation with a side of school and all the chicks on your trip will be DTF.

35. Skinny Dip in a Body of Water on Campus

There is bound to be some body of water on campus that you can jump into in the nekked. I hope this goes without saying but make sure you bring chicks.

36. Go Skydiving/Bungee Jumping/Cliff Jumping

Jumping out of airplanes is f*cking sweet.

37. Bang a Girl in Every Sorority

I know not every sorority is full of 10s but this is one thing you should definitely try to check off this list. There’s no shame in taking down a couple hogs for the sake of a good story.

38. Put a Keg in Your Dorm Room

Most likely this one is only feasible during your freshman year dorm days. Getting the keg in is the hard part. I would suggest putting it in a cylinder shaped laundry hamper or a big duffel bag, at least that’s how we did it.

39. Throw Up During Class

This is simply hilarious. Obviously you want to step outside for this one, but if you have never been so f*cked up the night before class that you have to take a regurgitation break you need to step your game up.

40. Make a Sex Tape

Sex tapes are made after college, but not as easily, unless you’re a celebrity. You should be able to find a sl*tty enough girl to let you film her taking it from behind. Remember to never show your face though.{pagebreak}

41. Cheat on a Test

“If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’” —LT

42. Go to one of your School’s Team’s Away Games

There’s nothing like invading enemy territory and prevailing victoriously. The shit talking alone is worth the trip. Try to avoid brawling with the home team fans, though; you’ll probably lose that fight. Once the dust settles you can usually party with the enemy after the game.

43. Get Thrown out of a School Sporting Event

At some point in any true fan’s career they will get kicked out of a game for being way too rowdy. This can be done by going to the game obnoxiously drunk, bumping into everybody in your section, and screaming absurdly inappropriate obscenities. This could be done at a football or basketball game but is so much more legendary if it’s at something like a women’s volleyball match.

44. Bang a Chick Late Night in the Middle of Campus

Most campuses have a centerpiece to their campus. Something like the green, the quad, or whatever your campus’s claim to fame is. Banging out in the center of campus is legendary and timeless. The generations of Bros that came before and the ones that came after you will respect this accomplishment forever.

45. Take a Women’s Studies Class

Do this with a buddy and try to pretend you care. Some of the liberal bullshit these teachers spit out is actually quite entertaining and the guy-to-girl ratio is guaranteed to be overwhelmingly in your favor.

46. Go to a Horse Race

Horse Races are basically controlled chaos. The infield is complete anarchy. You get to bring in your own coolers with as much booze as you want and no one cares about the drinking age.

47. Sell Bodily Fluids for Beer Money

The blood and sperm banks pay top dollar for your bodily fluids.

48. Fuck on the 50-Yard Line

If you didn’t get the chance to f*ck on the 50-yard line in high school, college is your last chance to knock this one off the list. There’s nothing better than soiling your school’s logo for the sake of a great story. Try center ice, home plate, or center court also.

49. Fuck the Dean’s Daughter

This is the ultimate triumph over your college. There is nothing like knowing you’ve humped the offspring of one of the most respected figures at your school.

50. Graduate

Although graduating college was the worst day in recent memory, it is important to eventually receive a diploma. Unless you have a rock-solid million-dollar idea, don’t f*ck up your life by never graduating or taking seven years to do so. Or do, I don’t care.

What did we miss? Sound Off with your Bucket List items in the Comments…

  • Alessandro

    Amazing!!! Whoever made this is a genius!