College
by Aristotle Georgeson on August 3, 2012

I live in South Florida and perhaps this is just a regional phenomenon, but the music festival culture has grown so much that it has completely redefined what it is to “party.” The entrancing sounds of Tiesto, Steve Aoki, Avicii, Wolfgang Gartner and so many more have influenced the way we get f*cked up. It is the very same thing that happened with the music of generations past: in the 60’s, music brought about the marijuana and hallucinogenic culture, the 70’s brought about the cocaine era, the 80’s really solidified how awesome cocaine was, the 90’s brought out the first edition club drugs and from the early 2000’s to now we see a new breed of party drugs developing as the music gets more intense. Back in the day when you asked someone, “Do you party” it meant, “Are you down to get drunk and possibly make some horrible decisions that lead to you waking up naked, in a bush with a pack of wet cigarettes?” Nowadays, that same question is asking, “Would you like to do some drugs (pill or powder form), listen to some robotic sounding jams, drink water all night and possibly overheat while I try and shoot my man milk all over your lady lumps?”

Now I’m not at all saying this change in the party culture is a bad thing (it’s goddamn fun), but it still seems less wholesome than good ol’ fashioned bong tokes and alcohol poisoning. I don’t know what the future holds, but in 15 years when we all have broken babies I guess we’ll find out. Until then, please describe to me those sounds that you’re seeing as you rock out to the noise of outgoing faxes while you text your friends sitting next to you all night. And yeah, I’ll “party” with you, but not every weekend. Not anymore.

Aristotle is a Florida based comedian who wants you to OD on Hugs, not drugs. You can follow him on Twitter @sToTle.

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