Since you live with them, there's a good chance you no longer like them. Here are the dudes who are both your best friends, and your greatest enemies:
1. Passive-Aggressive House Czar
It’s not his fault that everyone else in the house is incapable of making a “ca$h-money owed” spreadsheet and pressing a button once a month on a website, but that’s simply the burden of being responsible. As if that weren’t enough, his self-appointed role is often complemented by a holier-than-thou attitude that’ll be treated with great resistance by other housemates.
He’ll then become detached and cynical about “the future of this country, even at a good school like this” and take out his anger via passive-aggressive notes regarding the constant filth in the kitchen--after all, the czar's house dominance knows zero bounds.
2. The Energy Player
“He’s a great guy, but...”
For whatever reason, he can only be tolerated in short bursts, much like the seventh man on a basketball team whose job is jumpstart the squad with a steal, a drawn charge, and a particularly feisty defensive rebound. Leave him in too long however, and his overzealousness will morph into bonehead turnovers, thus exposing his fundamental deficiencies. You can appreciate what he’s all about, but just not a guy to keep in your main rotation.
It’ll be tough to break the news that you no longer want to room, but it’s a roster adjustment crucial to maintaining the squad as a whole.
3. Sweatpants Superstar
The electricity bill is likely $20 more per month due to this guy. The 2012 version of Jeffrey Lebowski except MUCH less awesome, The Sweatpants Superstar will spend around 16 hours a day glued to Xbox LIVE, his dominance of 14 year-olds in his video game du jour so beyond “sad” that it’s actually impressive.
Attending class is such an accomplishment, it must be rewarded by skipping the next three.
4. The ‘Room Guy’
While some prefer the camaraderie of browsing Facebook in a collective space, this dude prefers the solace of his own room. We all speculate what he’s probably doing MOST of the time, but he prefers the comfort of his desk even when doing something as innocuous as reading a Bill Simmons mailbag.
The Room Guy’s devotion to his sanctuary drastically increases if his girlfriend is abroad, attends another school, or if his lifelong goal is to be the focus of one of those shitty commercials about how anti-social technologies actually bring us all together
5. The Wallet Vampire
Whether it’s a late-night food binge, that extra round of shots, or a dope concert, it’s pretty tough to turn down all the cool shit he’s always doing. After all, it’s only just this once. You could just cook for the next two days or whatever.
Except that you can’t cause yo this sick new Mexican restaurant with $2 tequila shots just opened up. So we have to go there, and $30 of tequila shots, food, cab, more food, and fuck.
The Wallet Vampire--sucking all the money out of your wallet since “yo, these tickets are only like $80 and they’re usually $110.”