College
by Stevie Chay Vaughan on March 4, 2013

2. Before you leave:  set an over-under on the amount of times you hear girls woooing. Put a decent amount of money on it. 

3. If you're going all the way out of the country, make sure to hook up with someone that lives less than five minutes away from you at school

4. Check Facebook ZERO Times.

5. Walk a lot, get that fleeting moment where you don’t want to walk anymore and go pass out and die back at the hotel, and keep walking

6. Buy at least three condoms. If you fail to make proper use of them by the end of the trip, you must find another crafty way to use them.

7. Go swimming…in double D’s

8. Make friends with a local

9. Randomly run into someone you went to camp with back in the day 

10. Drunk Beach Volleyball

11. At least four milliseconds where you're convinced you're going to die here

12. Say nothing when your friend starts using his cellphone excessively inevitably racking up a hilariously large bill

13. Take a ride on a previously unexplored motorboat*

14. Annoyingly overplay This Song:

15. Don’t miss a second to make fun or your friend who’s in a relationship

16. Hate yourself if you’re in a relationship

17. Reaching that point where you’re unable to tell whether or not you’re incredibly shitfaced, or just in your natural state of existence.

18. TEQUILA

19. Constantly putting off what will inevitably be the worst hangover of your life 

20. Extra pairs of boxers, briefs, or whatever else you’re into. You will actually need these.

21. Some sort of water-spraying device, for instant wet-shirt contest

22. An NBA Jersey from no LATER than 2004

23. A dude in your group who gets overly obsessed with strictly sticking to his itinerary, whom you could all make fun of when he inevitably gets frustrated with you lesser humans

24. A real struggle of a human being, who you can place all the blame on when you need the intense dude on your side

25. Shades that cost $150

26. Shades that cost < $5

27. New sandals, cause your old ones will break and it will suck

28. Suspension of disbelief when you hear your buddies' stories from the night before–it will allow you to embellish yours as well

29. If you’d like to eat the last two months of school, a budget

30. Shorts connoting your pride in whatever high school sport you used to dominate

31. Shitty headphones–don’t bring your good pair

32. A flask. Arguably the most crucial.

33. A bunch of random Wikipedia-learned facts about your destination, to be used to casually impress any and everyone else

34. Some sort of distinguishing signifier. If all your buds are wearing plaid, you can’t be viewed as one of five.

35. Someone to annoyingly remind you that you should probably drink water

36. At least one non-alcoholic drink prized by the locals–particularly coffee

37. A sweatshirt. If not for you, a new lady friend

38. But not a sweatshirt you actually like. Cause you’ll never get it back.

39. If you can get hotel insurance. Hotel insurance.

40. EXTREME tolerance for putting up with everyone’s shit. You will very much need this

41. The four-year long collegiate sore throat, times 10

42. A signature, go-to dance move. Group or otherwise

43. If applicable, frat garb to validate that a bunch of people thought you were cool enough drink alcohol with them

44.  Some sort of instant shaming punishment, used to prevent that one friend from talking about the huge paper he’s gotta write when he goes back.

45. One –> many non-self inflicted orgasms.

46. A heated discussion about how “fuckin’ sick” Mad Men and/or Game of Thrones is gonna be

47. A wiffle ball and a wiffle ball bat, because wiffle ball is always awesome

48. Balcony/Rooftop/Post-Sex Cigars

49. A healthy supply of stories to tell for decades to come

50. An experience dope enough to sappily reflect on it, and mean what you say

 

Spring break pic via shutterstock

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