You wouldn't have gotten into that school if it weren't for sports
Let’s start with the most important thing. For most D3 athletes, there was zero chance you got into that school if it weren’t for your athletic prowess. You somehow duped some coach and administration that your skills were baller enough to overlook your sub-1200 SAT score, mediocre grades, and nonexistent community service record. Joke’s on them, eh?
More people came to your high school games
The first time I walked onto my college’s floor for a game, my initial thought was, “Where the FUCK are all of the fans?” There’s a 100% chance more people came to your high school games, because they actually mattered to people. As a D3 athlete, you really had to come to terms with that fact that no one cared about your team.
Everyone could have gone D1 but something happened
“Dude, I got hurt my senior year.” “My coach was an idiot. He never had D1 coaches come to our games.” “I was white. I never had a chance.”
Sure, bro. Keep telling yourself that.
You had that one guy who thought he was going to go pro
By the end of senior year, he was always going to “Pro Days at the nearby D1 school.” You, as a rational human, realized there was no chance in hell that this person would make it anywhere, but this young man could not see the writing on the wall.
Your cheerleaders were busted
There was never a single cheerleading squad that lived up to the ideal of what cheerleaders should be. If Oregon is Kate Upton, D3 is Rosie O’Donnell.
Your conference had an idiotic name
While even D1 conferences have stupid as shit names (looking at you, American Athletic Conference), they at make intuitive sense on some level. D3 schools, on the other hand, sound like a knock-off American Eagle brand.
You were constantly rescheduling assignments (much to the chagrin of your professors)
D3 is supposed to be the last bastion of the student-athlete. As such, you were required to complete an actual course load—not the online classes your tutor took for you while you were getting blown by team groupies. This led to a myriad of scheduling conflicts with your classes, so you were constantly rescheduling tests and papers with your professors. They hated you for it.
You thought you were cool, but definitely weren't
This is really the core of the D3 athletic experience. In high school, you thought you were cool as shit, and, to some extent, you were. In D3, absolutely no one cared that you scored 30 points or had a game-winning touchdown. They were too busy having actual fun.
You had that one guy who took it way, way too seriously
Somehow, this guy didn’t get the memo that D3 was just an excuse to extend your circle of drinking friends, stay somewhat in shape, and try to meet girls. He’d always be way too intense at practice, was the only one that followed the offseason workout program, and always had one-on-one meetings with the coach (seriously, who the hell does that?). Without fail, he also sucked at sports.