If you spend many a day wallowing in the murky underbellies of the internet, you may have stumbled across this casting call from MTV looking to do a show about terrible roommates--the types of jokers that enable you to answer an entire cavalcade of questions like "does this person deserved to get pierced with their scattered toenail clippings, and then seared with the pan they never clean?" with a resounding YES.
Thanks to a person who decided to post said casting on our Facebook page, this shit has been staring me in the face for about a week now. So naturally, in attempt to vanquish this infuriating YO CHECK THIS OUT, YO THIS IS THE SHIT, CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THAT RECTANGULAR BUTTON NEXT TO THE "A" KEY DOES, I HAVE NO IDEA message from my conscience, I have decided to compile four reasons why this show would actually be dangerously watchable:
1. The Friend That Nobody Likes
It's one of the more famous comedy bits for a reason. A show like this would essentially be a weekly 30-60 minute extension of this joke, providing wonderful opportunity after opportunity to provide Dane-othan Cook with irrefutable evidence.
A number of shows do draw upon this theme quite nicely (Andre from the League particularly comes to mind), but this would take the concept to a whole new level.
2. Delusion Unmasked
Since I am writing this article, I am of course the perfect roommate who never once kept leaving his dirty socks in bathroom during his Sophomore year.
But with particularly fascinating roommates, it's not so much their behavoirs as it is their reaction (or lack thereof) to those behaviors. Perhaps out of retributional fear from the house czar, many an incompetent roommate will go to great lengths to have absolutely zero idea that propping your feet up on the coffee table right next to my dinner is incredibly disgusting.
It's the baffling lack of self-awareness that's the real killer in these situations. So hopefully, watching someone on television committing the same unforgiveable crime you are currently committing will give a Brother a clue.
3. Behind the Scenes Shred-Ripping
If you've ever talked to anyone who love/hates someone they're living with (read: everyone), you'll know that 9/10 of their greatest moments come when unabashedly ripping their "friend" to shreds. All that bottled up anger being released into the world is really just a beautiful thing. Seeing normal people on camera completely losing it during interviews would be the bread, butter, ham, swiss, mayo, and the extra globs of mayo smeared on random areas of the couch--of this show.
4. You/They Would Have to Move Out
We all know that the truth hurts, which is one reason why I'll never understand why married people/serious couples go to comedy shows--it's basically deranged version of couples therapy, except that instead of resolving issues, comedians are there to make you realize that your significant other has successfully ruined your life, and that they probably resent you just as much as you resent them.
Similarly, this show would basically consist of a third-party explaining why the current living arrangement is simply ludicrous. A sad realization, but one that may ultimately prevent you from developing long-term mental health issues and an impossibly cynical worldview. More than anything, this show would act as a very necessary intervention.