College
by Lance Pauker on November 11, 2012

Wonderful quotes, via this LA Times article:

They call it “pre-drinking,” “pre-partying” or “pre-funking,” and it usually involves chugging  cheap alcoholic drinks before heading out to a bar, club or sporting event.

Fuckin' “they.” “They,” who so boldly  tell us red wine is good for our health, then reneg annually. They who tell us eating too much fish will probably poison you forever. They who decided that Pluto was no longer a planet.

While addiction experts estimate that 65% to 75% of college-age youths engage in such boozy behavior, a Swiss study concludes that such “pre-loaded” evenings are far more likely to end in blackouts, unprotected sex, unplanned drug use or injury.

“Reasons given for pre-drinking include saving money, getting in the mood for partying, becoming intoxicated and socializing with friends or facilitating contacts with potential sexual partners,” the authors wrote.

Of course, this has nothing to do with that fact that four shots of soco lime is $32 at a bar, but an entire bottle can be purchased for $18 at a liquor store.

Shannon R. Kenney, a sociology professor at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles, said pre-drinking behavior was likely as prevalent, or more so, in the United States, where the legal drinking age was much higher. In Switzerland, youths can legally purchase alcohol at age 16.

Hmm. Higher in the United States? Definitely has nothing with the fact that “they” force eighteen year-olds who clearly drink a shit ton to begin with to drink in secretive, much more dangerous environments than at a bar. Or that college kids are going to want to be drunk/buzzed (because has anyone EVER had a great time out while sober?), but since they can't get a drink at the place they're spending the night at, need to get all the alcohol in early. OR, that drinking too much at once can be dangerous (as “they” have kindly told us), especially if you're an inexperienced drinker who can only drink around other 18 year-olds, because “they” have deemed it illegal for older people to responsibly monitor younger homies' alk intake. OR, that even for those who have fakes or are overage, this has become an institution/tradition of sorts, predicated by “they” not letting us drink when we were socially capable. 

Study authors noted several possible shortcomings in their study. Among them was that only students with Internet capable cellphones could participate. Also, the study questions were extremely short, so that they could be read on a small cellphone screen or answered by someone in an intoxicated state.

Ah. Those rich Swiss kids with their smartphones, instagramming all them bottles popped–not like the smartphone-less underworld of Switzerland, where teens casually enjoy a glass of wine with their fondue. The truth, finally.