College
by Andy Moore on August 31, 2013

Keep in mind: This was sent to around 1,700 people. Instead of, oh, knocking on a door and asking for the music to be turned down, a student sent this to 1,700 people. (Two days into the school year.)

From: [Redacted]
Date: Fri, Aug 30, 2013 at 4:33 AM
Subject: An Open Letter to the Occupants of Mercer [Redacted]
To: “Law School Exchange” <coases-list@lists.nyu.edu>

It is now 4:20 a.m. on a Friday morning. You got back from what I assume was Bar Review about a half-hour ago, at which point we embarked on a musical journey through some of the worst drunken music taste and singing abilities this unfortunate soul has had the misfortune of enduring. At first I assumed it was only an after-party, which for a while progressed to karaoke, the most mortal of sins, but now based on the cacophony and number of sources of noise I'm convinced you just have a 10 piece drum set and your friends all brought amps over for band practice. This was not my first route. I spent 5 minutes standing outside your door knocking, no no avail. I was just down at the front desk telling him of my strife, and apparently the best he could do was send a porter when one became available. That was 15 minutes ago now. Since I'm clearly not getting to sleep any time before you, I figure that my best option to round out the night was a good-old-fashioned public shami!
ng.

I really didn't want to do this, but seriously. I knocked really loudly, and for a long time. And you're just being the most phenomenally outrageous assholes right now. So fuck you, sir.

Your music is awful. Whatever frat house your deficiently developed super-senior ass was finally kicked out of after university policy mandated you leave clearly had the right idea, and if it were up to me I would do the same. Unfortunately you apparently somehow bought your way into another 3 years at NYU, where apparently you were also able to pick up some expensive speakers, much to my and the building's chagrin. In all of our interests of peaceful coexistence, sleep, and avoiding frivolous litigation, I implore you: shut the fuck up.

I have 9:00 AM class, you dick.