College
by Andy Moore on April 16, 2013

What's the email about? At its root, it's a guide for sorority sisters to keep etiquette during the totally etiquette-less parties of the Terrapins' Greek Week. It also kind of shows what they're looking for in a guy. And, according to our new friend who shot the note over, the guidelines should be read (like the “How to Impress Jews/Gentiles” emails) with tongue firmly in cheek:

Welcome to a crash-course session of social etiquette from yours truly.

Sit back with a cold glass of water with your legs crossed at your ankles and read below:

When at a social event, please consider the following:

When dancing, feel free to back it up. Please be aware of who you're backing that thang up on and that your skirt/dress is not coming up.

If you feel yourself losing steady vision and statute, please vacate the premises.

If you are talking to a gentleman and he does not seem interested, please vacate the contiguous premises.

The party zone often becomes hot and humid. Please use a kerchief or suitable substitute (toilet paper) to wipe off your facial sweat.

The noun “social”, is defined in the Greek community as an exclusive party between often two (or more; in that event, use term “three-way”, “four-way”, etc.) Greek families of often opposite sex. It is derived from the English adjective “social”, which means to be act in open, friendly and lively manners with surrounding peoples. When you become “social”, you may find yourself becoming a “socialite”, who is a person that is knowledgeable about fun events with others.

Photographs are great ways to capture memories of our four (plus or minus one) years in college. However, taking consecutive photos of just your girl friends often is not polite to the male hosts because they are often not included. This goes back to the adjective “social”. If you make a friend on one night and see/talk to him on Tuesday, Wednesday, feel free to take a photo with the boy. However, it may come off as strange if you take a photo with a boy you just met three seconds ago.

If you drop a cup/can of of whatever liquid you decided to put in there, please pick up the cup! The homeowners will remember that when we left, the party zone is particularly cleaner than it usually is after another party they may have hosted.

We are young and enjoy love. Please be mindful of your PDA. If I have to watch a make-out for more than 5 minutes, that is too long…

What should happen if any of the above eight are violated?

Below are corresponding typical responses that may come from a male in an associated fraternity.

“Hey dude that girl wouldn't stop grinding on me for no reason. She didn't get the hint that I didn't want to dance with her. Her skirt kept coming up and I could feel her leg hair on my hand”

“Sloppy”

“Clingy. I told her “I'm gonna be right back” and she came and found me”

“Sloppy”

“They all huddled in circles and talked to each other the whole time. I left to go upstairs”

“why so many pics”

“They left so much trash on the ground. We're not using my house for the next social with them or anyone else”   – homeowner.

“______ was getting it from that girl in the corner. He was basically pulling up her skirt the whole time and her thong was out” “hahaha yeah I got a pic and sent it on the listserv”

Please be mindful of your/our reputation!

These boys are not here because of force, but because they want to meet girls and have fun.

Find guys that your friends are talking to and introduce yourself that way so that you're not awkwardly going up to a random boy standing on the sideline and introduce yourself that way.

 

Bottomline: Girls will be good to you if you're good to them. No need for anyone to be a douchebag!