College
by Jake Cohen on February 18, 2014

graduating-high-school

Let’s rewind back to the 5th grade. Your teacher schedules some 6th grade, chubby, know-it-all to come to class and tell you about all the things you do now that will equal certain death the second you enter the difficult middle school. The classic one being if you forget your name on your paper it’s going straight to the landfill. Then, the second your 6th grade teacher announces to the class someone needs to claim the paper without a name on it, you realize maybe all your elementary school nonsense does still fly.

It’s now the 8th grade. Puberty has taken your face and body to near shambles as your high school self nears. All the movies and stories are just screaming to you that you will never survive the cliques and roughness that is High School. Years pass and you are no longer just some pubescent weirdo but a relatively immature prospective college student. The fear, the distance, the friends, the work, they all conquer your mind as you send in your applications to your dream universities. Don’t fret.

Here are the 5 biggest lies you’ll hear about college in high school.

5. If you don’t read you wont get hired

We can all agree that the creation of Sparknotes paved the brick road on our path to college. All those stupid five paragraph essays on Huckleberry Finn just would not have been possible without the “Analysis” section of Sparknotes. Grades went up and leisure soared to heights never thought of when you discovered the real power of the Internet.

High school teachers caught on and spewed the typical nonsensical lines of “I will know if you are using Sparknotes.” Being the high school bad ass you are, the only thought that crossed your mind was, “Challenge Accepted.” The challenge is no different in college. Mastering the lecture slide regime is real task of college. Professors are going to base their classes off what they want you to take out of the class. Not off some textbook. Of course they will give you some suggested readings to take your mind off the handle, but in the long run those slides will be on the Internet. Yet again the Internet proves to be victorious.

4. Greek Life is not worth your time

Put the microscope back on the person who is telling you about Greek life. Odds are the person bashing Greek Life is not in it. In fact, they never are. We all know that super cool kid you knew in high school who comes back with all those stories bashing Greek Life. For your sake, ignore him. For your sake realize there are much more “cool” things to do in college than hallucinogens and kickbacks. Greek life is not for everybody and that is very clear. Yet to throw out the idea of testing the waters before college even begins is just ruining your own experience. The stories and connections only grow on a weekly basis due to the enhanced social aspect joining any Greek community gives you.

While you visit all your prospective college campuses, notice all these Bros in boat shoes and overly-dramatized enthusiasm over the USA? Or the sorority girls in yoga pants and free runs? Just know these are the students that just so happen to be in the upper echelon of grades on that campus. Being in Greek life is much more than throwing a kegger. Most fraternity and sororities field higher GPAs than the national average.

3. Procrastination equals near death

We all have had THAT one assignment in high school. Remember those horrific six hours of sleep you got after waiting absolutely last minute to do some Spanish paper? You promised yourself no night will ever be like that ever…EVER again. Well, there will be MANY nights much worse than that no matter what anyone prepares you for. Procrastination is college. There is no avoiding it. Education does always come first, but being swamped in extracurricular activities mixed with the glory that is a college social scene, you will continuously push back any and all assignments you get until the night of. We all know how much better our work gets as it progresses over time. Unfortunately, time is the biggest disadvantage we all have in college since it so short.

The time spent in college will be quote unquote “wasted on things non-class related.” It is this time wasted though that structures your friendships and activities throughout your entire collegiate years. So go ahead and listen to everybody and be sure you won’t procrastinate and not be successful. I will assume a year from now you will look across the room of the campus library gazing at the clock. It will read somewhere around 4 a.m. You have put the finishing touches to that essay that has been haunting you for weeks now. Yet all you can think to yourself is, “Well, you’ve done it again.”

2. “I absolutely LOVED my dorm!”

While strolling up to your brand new dorm on campus (presumably blasting “I Love College” by Asher Rosh) all the thoughts are rushing through your mind on how awesome dorm life has to be. It must be right? All those amazing stories you have heard. All those great dorm friends your high school friends have made. They all must be real! Dorm life must be incredible! Wrong.

You meet your weird roommate for the first time and shrug it off as a story you’ll have for generations. Who doesn’t love a bad roommate story, right? You try to connect with your hallmates just to realize they are nowhere near where you’re from and they have no idea what your life is all about. Then it’s the first hall meeting. You meet the monster that will make your life miserable, also known as a residential assistant. Or under the phrase, “S***! I think the RA is here!” No need to fear. It is possible to have a good dorm, great roommate, good hall mates, and the legendary chill RA. But basing your experience off the odd chance all of these dominoes fall into place could ruin what should be an amazing freshman year.

1. The lies to yourself

“I will absolutely keep in touch with my high school friends.”

“No, you don’t understand. The distance makes us stronger.”

“I am going to make sure my GPA is just as high as it was in high school.”

“I cannot wait to start loving what I am learning.”

“I am not going to be the stereotypical freshman!”

Do any of these sound a little familiar? No one is going to shape your college experience more than yourself. No matter all the lies and nonsense you hear from friends and relatives. The bottom line is you will not find a bigger pathological liar about your projected college experience quite like yourself. So sit back. Let the lies build up and let college truly be the best four years of your life.

[Graduation via Shutterstock]

Jake Cohen

About Jake Cohen...

Just your typical complaining student who happens to love college and music.