College
by Andy Moore on December 11, 2013

Columbia comes in last. This is probably fair. Its students are kept in a weird, unknown area of Upper Manhattan for a reason. (Less fair: Using a photo of a track team post-race to make the point.) Harvard—despite boasting the perfect bone structure of alumni like the Winklevii and Natalie Portman—is second to last, with the girls getting the list's worst marks, a C+. Hey, cheer up, guys! You have a funny improv team! That's what matters. THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.

Here's the top three:

#3 Dartmouth College — Hanover, New Hampshire

NHI: #1
Girls: B+
Guys: B+

#2 University of Pennsylvania — Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

NHI: #3
Girls: A-
Guys: A-

#1 Brown University — Providence, Rhode Island

NHI: #2
Girls: A
Guys: A-

 

Oh, Hermione.

Head to BI for the full list.