College
by BroBible Staff on July 14, 2013

Phone (my parents’ house) • E-mail (I have multiple that I never check)

SUMMARY STATEMENT
I lie about being goal-oriented. I have been awarded this diploma and have no idea what to do with it. I have marginal talents and a nonexistent work-ethic. Please hire me.

EDUCATION

  • B.A. in Alcoholism, School of Procrastination and Deferred Development, Interchangeable University
  • Relevant Coursework Includes: nothing practical to any sort of professional environment.

RELEVANT EXPERIENCE

  • GIVING UP ON MY DREAMS

    • Had Previously Desired a High-Level, Enjoyable Career
    • Not Anymore
    • Realized it would either be not financially worth the investment, or statistically impossible
    • Now I will do anything that anybody feels I am qualified for so I can eat and live in a place.
  • BORN CUBICLE MONKEY

    • “Indoor Kid”
    • I was always satisfied being inactive, watching TV and playing video games in the air conditioning.

COMPETENCIES

  • Crippling Depression
  • Insatiable Anxiety
  • Low Self-Esteem
  • Problematic Insomnia
  • Prescription Drug Abuse
  • Works Well in a Team

TOOLS AND SKILLS

  • ALCOHOL

    • Beer
    • Whiskey
    • Wine
    • Power Point
  • STIMULANTS

    • Coffee
    • Adderall
    • Mix of the Two
    • MS Word

SOCIAL MEDIA SKILLS

  • Facebook Bikini Pics
  • Dumb Jokes on Twitter
  • Using Social Media To Procrastinate
  • Porn
  • Netflix

WORK EXPERIENCE

  • JOB THAT DOESN’T MATTER
  • Summer Babysitting

    • Easy money
    • Lied to the parents about taking the kid to the ER once.

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