College
by Lance Pauker on November 15, 2012

 

President: Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones

To lead a group of men, you must earn their utmost respect. You must never crack under pressure. You need to have the confidence to assure the rest of the troops that everything's gonna be all good. Blind faith. You’re an actor, whose every move furthers the legend of your strange derivation of charisma.

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This is a unique position that’s just as important behind the scenes as it is on the front lines. You’re not only the face of the cause and a culture but you’re also primarily responsible for making sure said lifestyle is properly maintained. Shrewdness is not only a requirement, it’s one of the most important elements on the job. This is Tyrion Lannister, mastermind of the Game of Fuckin’ Thrones.

Vice President: Saul Berenson, Homeland

In most fraternities, the VP has no real responsibilities, so the role is often loosely defined to the point that this person does very little in terms of actionable, stat sheet-esque contributions.

Which is why the best veeps are the one’s who know the game in and out. The guy who’s been around the block, but ultimately doesn’t have that “it” factor to take the world into his own hands. More of a mentor than a leader, but probably the best mentor their is.

 

Pledgemaster: Walter White, Breaking Bad

My, how the innocent freshman has changed. Would not wish this tour de force on any pledge class.

 

Rush Chair: Don Draper, Mad Men

This is a no-brainer. The man can sell a contaminated toothpick.

 

Sentinel: Raylan Givens, Justified

I do not watch Justified, but do happen to have one of those friends that is all like “man, you HAVE to watch it. Have you watched it yet? Oh man, ya gotta watch this shit!”

Meaning that I currently hate him, but will slowly begin to appreciate his pestering if I ever watch.

From what I gather, Timothy Olyphant’s character is somewhat of a double outlaw, a Deputy US Marshal who draws ire from both sides of the spectrum (law officials and criminals) for his unorthodox behaviors and “Justified” actions. The sentinel is often the guy in charge of “preserving” the secret rituals of a fraternity, a role that’s often given to a slightly off-the-beaten path dude with a penchant for crazy. You don’t know what he’s gonna do next, but whatever it is will be forever embedded into the fraternal lore.  

Resident Drug Dealer: Jesse Pinkman, Breaking Bad

This could not have been chalked up any better. He’s using, he’s clean, he majorly fucks up but somehow doesn’t get ratted out, he’s gone for a semester, he comes back but something’s clearly up, he has a major breakdown, he tries to get his shit together, he's using again, he's clean, he gets out the game for good.

Plus, he’s got that abrasive, zero fucks given ‘tude that doesn’t so much make him feared as it makes him himself.

 

The Pretty Boy: Tim Riggins, Friday Night Lights

He gets a bid solely to increase the frat’s stats/mixer desirability. Many outsiders consider him the face of the operation, particularly those involved in intramural sports. He’ll be a bit of a floater, unreliable for some of the more important events, but will always be the one handing you a cigar when the dust settles, smoking on the roof at 4 am admiring what you’ve built together.

Also, hide yo girlfriends.

 

Skewed Morals Guy: Hank Moody, Californication

Because he operates on said skewed set of morals, he’s somehow allowed to get away with shit that people shouldn’t. He exists on a plane often dominated by more hipster types, except he despises the superficiality of the alternative scene, particularly those who brag about being vegan and talk like the constantly have a stuffy nose.

He therefore takes his cadre of obscure directors and experimental life outlooks to the frat house, where he uses his self-contrived deep fodder to lure sorority girl after sorority girl to his lair, all of whom will eventually see straight through him, but for some reason will resolve to keep coming back. His renegade flair makes him impervious to being blacklisted, and you could sure as hell bet he takes full advantage.

 

Pledge Class President: Jimmy Darmody, Boardwalk Empire

A cut above the rest of the guys his age, Jimmy will impress you more and more everyday, leading you to wonder whether or not this guy is actually too good.

Turns out he will be, and will eventually be considered a major threat who has no business trying to topple the current establishment. His ego streak will eventually get the best of him, but he certainly makes for a helluva pledge.