(Editor's Note: Welcome Week is almost upon us and this piece kicks off the next two weeks of our Back-to-School campaign. Be on the look out for several college-related posts each day. Some will offer advice, others will offer laughs, all will make you happy school is back or pissed that you'll never sleep with a naive undergrad ever again. Enjoy.)
They say that college is a time of true self-discovery. Along with changing your major every year, you tend to change women, too.
1. The Party Girl
The first month of hanging out will be amazing. Not only do you have a girl that wants to go out every night, she is also a nympho. She’s always drunk and always willing to put out. You have the best of both worlds. She barely wants to hang out during the day, so you are totally set to do whatever you want. But wait! She did sleep with you on the first night of hanging out. And she has even admitted to blacking out on nights after you have hooked up. Has she done did this with other guys? Is this a regular thing for her?
No need to panic, the answer is probably, quite frankly, yes. This is definitely not her first time and she’s most likely not long-term material. She is in college and she’s trying to live up every moment before she has to head out into the real world. No need to get down, just ride it out and move on. And when we say ride it out...we mean ride it out.
2. The Booty Call Who Somehow Became Your Girlfriend
This girl starts out as just your 3 am go-to. She usually responds to your “heyyy you up?” text message and allows you to stumble into bed with her and have sh*tty drunk sex. You see her at least once or twice a week for a month or so until you realize she’s actually kind of awesome. When you’re not black out drunk, you enjoy grabbing hungover breakfast and making fun of college stereotypes. This goes on for a few months until you f*ck up and end up sucking face with another girl at the most crowded bar in town.
3. The Hot Stalker
Instant attraction. You see this girl and immediately know you want to be in her. She’s hot, fun, and most importantly, she’s all over you. This is something easy to get used to. Things will be awesome for a while. In fact, she pays so much attention to you that she pretty much knows you better than you know yourself. And not to mention, again, she’s insanely hot. Things will run smoothly until that one day where you get one of many frightening texts including, “where are you?” “why haven’t you called me?” Or when you wake up one morning to 20 missed calls and 15 voicemails.This girl that you considered to be flawless has just revealed her true form. This girl is a stalker or a stage 5 clinger, if you will. She reeled you in with her good looks and uninterrupted attention, but now you have to kiss that sweet, sweet body goodbye.
4. The Nice Girl
She’s not really your type, but she did help you study for that math test. You never see her at the bars, but she always saves you a seat in class. This girl doesn’t seem like she would be the most fun girlfriend ever, but she makes you want to be a better person. It could really go two ways. There is still the chance she could enter into the serious girlfriend realm, but that would take a lot of work. Then again good girls do like bad guys. And you know what they say about a lady on the street...
5. The Serious Girlfriend
This is it. Your Junior or Senior year, you met her. The perfect girl. You do pretty much everything with this girl. You go to movies, dinner, and go out constantly. She’s the great mix of party girl and nice girl. One you can bring home to the parents and one who will close down the bar with you on a Wednesday night. Things will go great for you as you settle down with the serious girlfriend...until you graduate college and life gets in the way. Good luck, Bro. Now it’s time to start all over again.