College
by Jake Cohen on May 23, 2014

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Summer is around the corner. Regrettable decisions, sunburns, high school friends, and awkward family reunions are all around the bend. Yet, all that splurging during your time in college has led you no other options but to hit workforce. College has finally taught you that it is time to finally lift your resume from the ground zero it is at now. Here are the five people you will encounter during your time at your summer job or internship.

The bitter College Rival

This is your routine shmuck in the office. Every time you slug yourself into work he just must remind you how it is indeed “his teams” year. As if he suits up for the team every Saturday. At first it was great. Someone familiar in the office to shoot the shit to about college sports. Weeks have passed though, and still the only thing this guy can talk about is a loss in the Sugar Bowl three years ago.

The Dime

She just makes life in the office just all right. She’s the office bombshell. After laying eyes on her on the first day of work, all of a sudden the only numbers you cared about were no longer the ones following the cash sign on your pay check, but rather her seven digits. When it comes down to it you know she is way out of your league, but that will not stop your journey to becoming an office legend.

The Connections Guy

He is nowhere near qualified for his position. His dad must’ve done the boss some sort of massive favor in order for him to get anywhere near this company. The connections guy is an absolute moron. If this someone is in college, then there is no doubt the admissions officer that allowed him on campus also owes this guy’s dad a huge favor. Unfortunately, you are going to have the deal with the wrath of connections guy for the tenure of your stay at work. Cleaning up his nonsense work and constant screw-ups almost will need an entire new employee.

The Office Mute

It is lunchtime in the office and there he/she is again. Just sitting there. Minding their own business, and it pisses you off. The office mute is truly the office mystery since the only time he/she even speaks is to ask where the decaf refills are in the break room. No one really knows what the mute does around the office, but you don’t have the balls to question anyone at your stage in the company. The mute cant be an office kiss-ass simply because of the lack of words and emotions, but at least figuring out what this person does with their life is another nice distraction from actual work.

The idiot boss

He is the cause of all your random acts of anger over summer. You now know why years ago as a child your parents would just come home from work and snap like a bipolar psych ward patient. The idiot boss is every employees worst nightmare and you’re bound to face one eventually. Working under a lunatic or douche is one thing, but working under someone with an IQ lower than your hourly wage is near hell. The idiot boss is bound to ask you to do tasks you legitimately just finished, make you do tasks that aren’t even in your job description, run to Starbucks for a ridiculously girly drink request, and lets not forgot how many times he/she is going to confuse your name with that of connections guy.

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