College
by Aristotle Georgeson on August 20, 2013

5. Fall Rush
While some might say the actual process of rushing is annoying and or monotonous, there is nothing like the moment that you accept your bid. The adrenaline, the excitement, the uncertainty of what’s to come and knowing that the next few years of your life are going to be the best times you won’t remember with the friends you’ll never forget. (Spring Rush is cool too, but it doesn’t compare the magnitude and energy that Fall Rush has)

4. Holiday Parties
All the good holidays happen to be in the Fall Semester, and what’s better than a holiday themed party you ask? The p*ssy you get from attending a holiday themed party. With all the classics like: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Chrismahanukwanzakah there is so much to look forward to and so many reasons to over celebrate!

3. 1st Semester Freshman Girls
For many, fall semester is their first time away from Mommy and Daddy, which means they finally get to explore their bodies with everyone else’s body parts inside them. Yes, they are annoying, yes they get way to drunk and yes, sometimes they throw-up on you during a blowjob (true story). But you can’t hate them for that; in a year or less, they’ll be pro at drinking/doing sketchy things and it’s your responsibility to get them to that point. I can assure you that you will miss freshman girls when you graduate college. It’s a bold statement, but you’ll be at a bar with creatures who handle their liquor way too well and they won’t even respond when you ask if they want to come back to your house to “Smoke weed.” I’m not saying freshman girls aren’t annoying I’m just saying enjoy them while you have them because you won’t find 1st semester freshman girls in the real world, I promise.

2. Tailgating
Day drinking + football = AWESOME every single time! Tailgating is a college tradition and if done properly will NEVER be a bad experience. Absurd amounts of alcohol, school pride, BBQ, Corn hole, girls pretending they know who’s playing. I mean come on! What’s there not to like? It brings about an incredible sense of unity when everybody around you is wasted with a BBQ’d something in 1 hand, a beer in the other hand and screaming about how much d*ck the other school sucks. Plus tailgating is the perfect place to plant seeds with that special someone for the after party when your school wins (never forget that aspect of the tailgate).

1. Football
Need I say more? The football usually occurs immediately following the tailgate and it’s nothing less than magical. Some people choose to watch the games on TV, which is convenient and also fun, but in my opinion, it falls well short of going to the game. As soon as you enter the stadium, strange, wonderful feelings take over the body, similar to a spiritual encounter (I would guess). It's an incredible experience seeing a sea of 90,000 people wearing your school colors; the cheering and the shouting paired with the sounds of the band is enough to give you chills. Then kickoff takes everything to a new level of wild. You can literally feel the energy of your entire school running through your blood as soon as that ball becomes air born. It's truly amazing what college football can do to a person, never the less an entire school and it’s alumni. I’ve done a lot of cool things in my day, but there is little that is more exciting than waking up on a cool fall Saturday, cracking open a beer and watching College Football in person.

Aristotle is a Florida based comedian who wants you to have an incredible fall semester (even though he can’t because he ran out of money in college). You can follow him on Twitter @sToTle