I’ve been out of college for nearly two years and every time I hear the word exam I get flashbacks to Adderall breath and a table covered in Redbull cans. Studying for exams is a war and like any soldier in a warzone, you need to be prepared. You’ve probably heard your mom say things like, “Study up and get a good night’s sleep!” Or, “Make note cards and have a good hearty breakfast!” But she doesn’t get it; you have 5 tests and maybe some papers all due within a 5-day span that can literally ruin everything you’ve done (or not done) for an entire semester. Sorry ma, but times have changed and this day and age you need to be beyond prepared for exam week and below are the 6 essential items that will get you through it.
Before headphones I have no idea how people could put themselves through the monotonous torture of studying. Aside from the entire Internet and all your friends, headphones are the only item that will keep you sane during exam week. Don’t want to talk to people? Put on your headphones. Want to study, but also want to hear some dope ass beats? Put on your headphones. Want to look like your studying while you watch cat videos on Youtube? Put on your headphones.
A Macbook or Macbook Pro
Are you seriously going to risk getting a virus on your computer during finals week by using a PC? I should hope not! As far as I’m concerned, if you’re not studying with Macbook or a Macbook pro, you’re not fully absorbing the information. Retina display technology, super fast processing speeds and a beyond user-friendly interface! Education was clearly meant to be absorbed on a Mac. And for those of you who don’t have a Mac that’s okay, all you have to do is study with your friends who do own Macs (which is probably about 98% of all your friends) and you will be just fine!
I don’t think I would have 1. Looked at any study materials or 2. Graduated college without this miracle pill. If you at all plan on having a successful exam week, this is probably your most important item. Adderall has this sick way of making you enjoy things that take complete focus. All nighters have never been more productive! (I wrote this a while ago why Adderall is the best drug ever invented)
Sidenote: If you’re one of those people who doesn’t need Adderall to focus, I’m super jealous because there’s not a whole lot worse than an Adderall crash.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that if you want to stay up all night and keep your mind sharp, you need stimulants. Get some (and by some I mean A LOT) of caffeine in your system and you will be in tip-top shape to skullf*ck the sh*t out of any exam that comes your way. However, if you take Adderall be careful when consuming any caffeine. I’m going to sound like a concerned father here, but it’s only because I care about you. Wait until you feel like the Adderall is starting to wear off and have a cup of coffee. It’ll feel like someone just fed your brain lightning and you’ll have at least another 3-4 hours of productive study/Facebook chat time!
You’re going to be under the influence of hundreds of MG’s of Adderall and or caffeine and you’re not going to be hungry at all. But at some point your body will recognize that you haven’t eaten and it will say something like, “I should probably put something inside of me.” And boom… banana time. However, if your body does not tell you to eat, at least you’ll have a banana there for moral support.
You’re going to need something to chew on and instead of chewing on the wire of your headphones, just invest in a few packs of gum. They’re cheap, it’ll mask your Adderall ass-breath and if you’re studying with girls, they will LOVE you for it.
Exams are designed to test your mental endurance as well as your patience. As much as you want to stress and kill yourself just remember that in the grand scheme of life, they mean NOTHING.
Aristotle is a Los Angeles based comedian who believes that an Adderall addiction is just an addiction to get shit done. You can follow him on Twitter @STOTLE.
(Editor’s Note: While the opinions and comments in this column are, at times, factual, accurate, and thought provoking, BroBible does not endorse or encourage the use or abuse of Adderall. In short, drugs are bad, m'kay?)
[Finals week image via ShutterStock]