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5 Main Differences Between Drinking in College and Drinking In the Real World

By / 09.03.14

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Adults may not be able to drink as much as college students, but they do always have their own toilets to puke into. As you get older, hearing a crowd of girls scream, “This song’s my shiiiiiit” makes you say “This bar is shiiiit.” That’s mainly because you have your own place to throw a crowded party, where you can kick everyone out and the cops never get called. Yes, you lose the joy of running from a campus cop who looks like there should be a tuba playing as he chases you, but at a certain point parents stop paying bail money when you get caught. As you get older the hang overs get worse, but the stories only get better. These are a few things you’ll learn.

Quality over quantity, but also quantity: If you’re over 24 and still drinking booze that comes out of a plastic bottle, suicide might be something to look into. Not to actually kill yourself, but to be inspired to make a change before you hit that rock bottom. Drinking plastic bottle booze tastes like battery acid, at least battery acid won’t give you a hang over. It’s more than just taste, drinking better quality booze shows you’re better than other people, and that’s what adulthood is all about. The best part about better booze is the ability for more people to drink more of it. People who normally wouldn’t party will when they see free top shelf.

Selectivity of who you talk to: Drinking when you’re younger means you want to talk to everyone. There is so much to learn from different people and you want to hear it all. As you get older you realize the amount of people you only talked to because it was crowded and you were standing next to each other. Maturity means looking at others and saying “That guy looks way too weird to communicate with”. In fact, people are so selective they invented a VIP section. A VIP section is a great way of telling other people “You’re not even good enough to accidentally step on my shoes”.

Having Money: Drinking well drinks and staring at your credit card afterward in your youth sucks. As you hit the late 20’s some financial security gets established. Sure, you might feel bad you spent 200 bucks buying shots for everyone at the bar, but you’re still gonna be able to pay your rent (even if that’s only because you’re living with 5 people). Having a little bit of excess money to spend on going out makes your night a whole lot more enjoyable. Finding a place that does a 5 dollar beer and shot combo means you’re balling on a budget.

Mistakes are better: Drunken mistakes when you’re younger are waking up next to strangers, breaking phones, and losing friends. Drunken mistakes as an adult are waking up to a surprise vacation that was bought because Jack Daniels made you think you deserve it. Youth mistakes are silly things like showing up to the wrong house party and still drinking with strangers, being an adult means 5-7 business days after drinking you realize you bought yourself a surprise Christmas.

Sunday Funday: Maturity invented the least mature day of the week. Sunday Funday was invented for alcoholics who knew they’d have to go to work on Monday. Get up early, drink away the hang over, go back to bed. God rested on the 7th day so should everyone else. Young people wake up at noon and start, by that time most adults have been out for 2 hours. Breakfast booze is bottomless, its anti American not to capitalize on that.

Some people say getting older sucks, they’re completely right. It sucks when your body starts to go and responsibility finds you. Most look at themselves and think “That’ll never become me”, which is true because your college bills will be too staggering to ever have any money. Drinking as a adult means long nights and longer hang overs, it means when you actually get turnt, you do it harder than anyone in their youth can.


TAGSBoozecollege lifeDrinkingReal World
Bread Foster
About Bread Foster... Bread Foster got a degree but rolled a joint with it instead of using it. He's a NYC comedian but a multinational drunk. He enjoys sharing his insanity with the Internet even though it constantly gets him in trouble.

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