College
by Toby Davis on December 17, 2013

1. Devour as many home cooked meals as possible 

If you’ve ever been away from home for more than about two months, you’ve probably realized how much you took your mom’s cooking for granted. Now that meatloaf you used to not really care for makes your mouth water after eating ramen noodles five times a week. Even if your mom isn’t a great cook, you will be allowed the pleasure of enjoying meals that didn’t come from a crappy cafeteria, your microwave, or the Dollar Menu.

2. Take a full day to turn off your brain

The best part of winter break is that there are no rules for winter break.  While there will be plenty of events planned most of the days you’re home, make sure you take at least one day off just for you. Plan a day during break where you just sit around on your favorite old couch simply watching reruns of your favorite TV show. The brain needs to have a chance to just do nothing every once in a while, and winter break is a perfect time for it. This is your day to go on a Netflix binge and not feel guilty about it.

3. Go through some of your old stuff 

If you’re coming back home for winter break after being gone a few years, you'll be stunned at some of the stuff you might find. You might find some valuable trading cards, an old journal you totally forgot about, or you might find your old Super Nintendo and get a chance to brush up on your Super Mario skills.

It's also a good idea to go through your old stuff in case there's still some things that you'd prefer your mom didn't find. Like a picture of your sexy high school teacher's face taped over a naked woman's body.

4. Try to mooch money from your parents 

If you’re in college and you’re home for winter break, this should come naturally. I think parents have a tender spot for their kid when they’re in college, because college costs a tuition-load of money. Try casually mentioning how much you’re paying for your textbooks and rent, but leave out the part about how much you spend on booze and late night meals after drinking too much booze. Also feel free to use the term “tuition load” in the future. As in the next time someone grabs too many chips out of your bag, tell them you weren’t expecting them to take a tuition-load of chips.

5. Get drunk with some of your favorite old teachers

This seems to happen more frequently on the night before Thanksgiving, but if you grew up in a smaller town there’s a good chance you’re going to see some of your old teachers out at the local bar. Don’t be afraid to go up and talk to them about what you’re doing, because chances are they’ll be pretty open to hear about a life that they at least had a small part in influencing. If you can’t find any of your old teachers to drink with, go out drinking with some of your friends that haven’t left home. They may not have moved far from home, but I guarantee they can move some rounds of drinks into their system.

Just be leery when they ask you to go to an after-bar, because that probably just means going to their house alone to smoke weed

Toby Davis is a comedian originally from the plains of South Dakota and has been alive ever since birth. Follow him on twitter for more here, or like his Facebook page

[Young man on couch image via Shutterstock]