College
by J. Camm on April 30, 2014

escort

The Columbia Lion received an anonymous submission from a Columbia University student who claims that he is raking in cash being a high-end male escort. After looking into it, the Columbia Lion has verified that he is in fact A) a student at Columbia and B) a male escort. Below are a few of the highlights from his story, which he hopes won’t result in his identity being found out by his family or Columbia. Lots of luck with that…

On more than a few occasions, I’ve been paid about $800 to sit in a room and pop balloons while a woman masturbates.

Interesting choice of combined activities. If you’re reading this, Columbia Escort Bro, do these women have balloon fetishes or do they just get off by watching you clean up after their kid’s birthday party? If the answer is the former, did you ask the important question of WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TURNED ON BY BALLOONS YOU WEIRD BITCH?

I come from the kind of lower-middle-class, traditionally Catholic family that has ten million kids. As well as it pays, I’m not exactly looking for my baby siblings to dream of growing up and making it big as an escort.

But fuck it, if I can get paid $15,000 to spend a December week lounging on a beach in Tuscany instead of freezing my ass off in New York, I’m going to do it, while I’m still young enough to be hired for that sort of gig.

Bad news, friend. Tuscany is also very cold in December.

 The most common is four hours for dinner and sex, which for me runs about $1200, plus the cost of dinner and a hotel room.

There’s plenty of different types of women willing and capable of shelling upwards of $1000 for male company, but considering I’m a Boyfriend Experience escort literally marketed to create the illusion of a romantic relationship, most of my clientele comprises neglected wives, divorced mothers, and shy women who have a hard time connecting, even though there are definitely exceptions.

How is this man’s time, when not having sex, worth $300 an hour? A fucking doctor charges less. Stupefying. Utterly stupefying.

A lot of my friends, on the other hand, are Pornstar Experience escorts, so they get a whole variety of women that usually have secret fetishes and expect crazy sex marathons. I tried that for a while, but the BFE money is better, and there’s only so many times you can let a woman have at you with a strapon before it starts feeling a little too gay4pay. (My limit is once.)

EGADS! Just when I was beginning to kick myself for not moonlighting as a Porn Star Experience escort this guy drops getting obliterated by a woman brandishing a strap-on dildo.

But wait, it gets worse.

So much worse.

The weirdest clients are probably the ones who start getting their family and friends involved. My profile says the best dates are usually the ones where we go to a concert or a show, so one woman had me accompany her while she took her daughters to a Justin Bieber concert.

I told you it got worse.

Click here for the entire story. 

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J. Camm

About J. Camm...

J. Camm is the Managing Editor of BroBible. He is a graduate of the University of Miami thanks mostly in part to a world-class short-term memory. When not writing drivel on the Internet, J.Camm enjoys golf and the inexplicable satisfaction that comes with forgetting a person's name the exact instant he meets them.