57-year-old Oakland University student Joseph Corlett had a brilliant idea in mind for his final English 380: Advanced Critical Writing essay: Write a critical, well-reasoned dissertation on just how sexxxxxy his teacher, Pamela Mitzelfeld, happened to be. The result was called "Hot for Teacher," after the seminal Van Halen song (and top-10 music video of all time). And he really went after it, too. Here's a sample of his work:
“Are you kidding me? I should drop right now. There is no way I’ll concentrate in class especially with that sexy little mole on her upper lip beckoning with every accented word. And that smile.”
“I’ve had a few worries lately, the first that Lynn Anne, my wife, would read this. But now I don’t care. I suppose my fear is a good sign that I’m writing honestly."
"She walks in, and I say to myself, ‘Drop, mother (expletive), drop.' Christ, I'll never learn a thing. Tall, blond, stacked, skirt, heels, fingernails, smart, articulate, smile. I'm toast, but I stay."
Soon after submitting the essay, Corlett was kicked out of school. (Geniuses like Corlett—Poe, Emily Dickinson, John Kennedy Toole, etc.—are never fully appreciated during their lifetimes.) So the builder is suing the school for unfairly kicking him out. To the tune of $2.2 MILLION.
Joseph Corlett, 57, a builder who now resides in Florida, filed the lawsuit Friday in U.S. District Court in Detroit, reports the Detroit Free Press. He claims the public university violated his First Amendment right to freedom of expression. He says he also suffered mental anguish and humiliation when he was forced to leave the school.
The suit names the school’s board of trustees and two high-ranking officials as defendants.
My completely unqualified and lacking-in-any-sort-of-training-in-the-law opinion? Corlett's got a decent shot. According to the report, his former essays were also sexual in nature, and they all received A's from Mitzelfeld. The stipulation for this particular assignment was that the students write about anything they wanted, as long as the subject was "raw" in nature. "In the end, he just ended up getting suspended from school for completing a homework assignment," his attorney said. He was too raw.
Bottom line: If Cortlett someone snags $2.2 million from his former school for writing a ridiculous essay about the looks of his favorite teacher... well, he'll have it made.
So made. Hot for Teacher.
[H/T: Yahoo, Hot Teacher Lying on Desk image via Shutterstock]