Unless you live in a cave that isn’t of the frat variety, #WhiteGrlProblems has become a growing obsession amongst our female counterparts. The notion enables the
girl, not yet a woman, whatever ethnicity she may be, to contextualize her first-world, superficial “strugs” in a manner that is (regrettably) socially acceptable.
Following the success of both her twitter account and online ballyhooing, Babe Walker--a true capitalist, white girl, and person that was born--wrote a book about the phenomenon. The memoir, which came out earlier this year, is actually about some undeniably serious sh*t (she went to rehab). Yet judging by the chapter titles, the voice, and the people who find this book enjoyable, it is without question that this is something that needed to be called out in some form by the Brommunity.
There are 24 chapters in the book, “White Girl Problems.” I translated 15 of them:
1. All I want for my birthday is for you to know what I want for my birthday without me having to tell you
- My expectations are realistic in every aspect of my life
- Because my expectations are really realistic, I will never be disappointed by trivial things
2. If I like him, he’s probably gay
- If I was happy, I couldn’t complain
- If I couldn’t complain, I would die
3. Who am I, and when did I gain a pound?
- Fat people. LOL.
- I will continue to use my weight as a perpetual exhibition of humblebraggery
4. You’re my best friend and I love you to death, but fuck you. Just kidding, I love you. Just kidding, I hate you. Call me.
- We get along, but we won’t get along if that guy who you’re about to hook up with cooks you breakfast in the morning.
- Tell me about it so I can stew in self-pity
5. My vagina is bullshit
- I am sometimes frustrated with my sex life, but overall its not too bad
6. My major in college was picking my major, with a minor in being really bored
- Swing and a miss
7. I’m too pretty to be crying right now
- Look, I am attractive
- NO REALLY, I am