If You’re Trying To Get Laid All The Time, These Are The 50 Best Colleges To Go To

If you’re trying to have sloppy drunk sex 3 out of the 7 nights of the week then it looks like these 50 colleges are the most likely places to have that happen…but who are we kidding? You can pretty much go to any college and have sloppy drunk sex 3 out of the 7 nights of the week as long as your standards are low and you don’t give a shit about what stumbles your way right around closing time at the bar.

Oh, and if you’re curious about what sort of scientific research Fiesta Frog used to determine these rankings, I’m going to have to sadly tell you to “go fuck yourself”, since that’s the approach Fiesta Frog apparently took when it came to determining what colleges placed where. Hell, for all I know they threw a dart at a map and whatever school it landed closest to was the next one they threw on this list.

Why do I think that Fiesta Frog bullshitted their way through these rankings? For one thing, NYU is ranked at #3. Have you seen the kids who go to NYU? Strolling through that campus feels like you’re in a Christian television ad for abstinence. Oh, and the fact that they spelled “Massachusetts” as “Massachussets.” I guess they don’t teach basic spelling at whatever “school” Fiesta Frog employees attended.

I’ll throw them a bone though and agree with where the University of Maryland and Arizona State place, since the only way you couldn’t get laid at Maryland was if you chopped your dick off and then threw on a chastity belt. Seriously, I’ve known people who were asleep in their dorm rooms only to have drunk chicks wander in and try to bone. As for Arizona State, well, we all know that school is basically a 4-year-long crash course on building up immunities to STD’s, so color me unsurprised that they rank in at #5.

50. University of Pennsylvania (PENN)
49. San Diego State University (SDSU)
48. University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
47. Vassar College
46. University of Pittsburgh
45. Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU)
44. University of South Caorlina
43. Emory University
42. Boston College (BC)
41. West Virginia University (WVU)
40. College of Charleston
39. Towson University
38. Rutgers University
37. University of Iowa
36. Indiana University – Bloomington
35. University of Georgia
34. University of Notre Dame
33. Temple University
32. University of Virginia
31. University of South Florida
30. Radford University
29. East Carolina University
28. University of Delaware
27. Wesleyan University
26. Ohio State University
25. Central Michigan University
24. Northwestern University
23. University of Florida
22. Depauw University
21. University of Wisconsin – Madison
20. University of Oregon
19. University of Colorado – Boulder
18. UC – Santa Barbara
17. University of Southern California
16. Penn State University (PSU)
15. University of Arizona (U of A)
14. Tulane University
13. University of Alabama (BAMA)
12. University of Michigan
11. Syracuse University (SU)
10. Georgetown University
9. Virginia Tech
8. University of Texas at Austin
7. University of Miami (UM)
6. Florida State University (FSU)
5. Arizona State University (ASU)
4. University of Maryland – College Park
3. New York University (NYU)
2. University of Massachusetts – Amherst (UMASS)
1. Michigan State University

Via Fiesta Frog

Note that I was kind enough to fix any spelling mistakes.

*Cue everyone in the comments getting really excited that their school is on this list despite there being no reason why some schools are higher than others*

[H/T Fiesta Frog, image via Shutterstock]