College
by Jordan Mooney on November 5, 2012

They’ve both been here twice in this semester alone. Once each to answer questions, and once each to hold a rally. It was kind of funny how many more people showed up for Obama’s rally, but I guess that’s expected on a college campus. Maybe more people would’ve showed up for Romney if it hadn’t been Halloween. That guy really is out of touch isn’t he; a college campus rally on Halloween? The real issue I have with them visiting though? It’s like WWIII when they come here. Seemingly the entire police force shows up, blocking off roads and the place where I always park. My classes start at 12:30 p.m. every day, and I’ve got to wake up an hour earlier to get there like my classes start at 11:30 a.m.! Come on, Bro, way too early. If the sun isn’t in the middle of the sky, I’m not getting out of bed. Then I’ve got to weave through crowds of people who are waiting in a line that will take two hours to get through, just so they can wait another two hours for the candidate to show up. FYI, the candidate shows up for about thirty minutes, and the trains in the area are shutdown during that time; and the size of the entourage these guys travel with? It really is like WWIII, with a whole damn army driving down the road.

Honestly, if either of these guys wanted my vote, they wouldn’t even show up to campus. Like I’m really going to vote for you when I had to sit in traffic for an hour just to get five hundred feet because of you? The traffic in Miami is bad enough on a regular day. Add to that the constant bombardment that all my peers and I get from the school to register and go out and vote. It’s insane. I get that it actually does matter since I’m in Florida, but what about schools doing the same to their students in Arkansas, or Connecticut? Your vote is meaningless in most states. Someone needs to tell these school administrations to leave us alone and allow us to get drunk in peace. Even the older people in my building constantly harp about how important it is when they see me in the elevator. What happened to politics not being dinner table material? Shut the fuck up, old person I don't know!

I just tell them all that I’m voting for Vermin Supreme, because he promises to give us all ponies and establish zombie powered turbines. Now, that guy is a man of the people. Plus, he’s never been a royal pain in my ass, and he’s got an awesome hat.

(Editor's Note: Also, the likelihood of getting tased increases tenfold.)

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