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This Stupid App For Angsty College Kids Is The Most Unintentionally Hilarious Thing I’ve Seen All Day

By / 09.03.14

secret

Do you like to complain about your first world problems? Have your recent feelings been comparable to songs from bands like All Time Low and Taking Back Sunday? Do you have no friends and feel the need to vent on the Internet? Well YOU’RE IN LUCK, because the angstiest college kid app is called Secret, and it’s full of “confessions” that aren’t actually “secrets.” Get ready to lose your eyes in the back of your heads guys, because you won’t be able to stop rolling ‘em.

Screen shot 2014-09-03 at 12.02.31 PM

Yes, because things like cell phones, Skype, text messaging, Facebook and Snapchat do not exist.

Screen shot 2014-09-03 at 12.03.12 PM

This, kids, is what we call “natural selection.”

Screen shot 2014-09-03 at 12.04.31 PM

Such angst. Much whine. So. Emotion.

Screen shot 2014-09-03 at 12.06.04 PM

 Sure, but that doesn’t mean you can go out on the quad crawling on all fours and eating dog shit without people thinking you’re a fucking weirdo.

Screen shot 2014-09-03 at 12.07.20 PM

PLOT TWIST.

Screen shot 2014-09-03 at 12.07.45 PM

Not with that boner-iffic attitude you won’t.

 

The only useful “secret” on the whole college portion of the website?

Screen shot 2014-09-03 at 12.08.35 PM

That’s actually crucial. No one likes pooping in crowded places.

[Images via Secret]


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Rebecca Martinson
About Rebecca Martinson... Rebecca Martinson is a recent graduate from the University of Maryland who is notoriously known throughout the Internet for being really, really adequate at writing emails. She joined BroBible right after graduating in the Spring of 2014 and doesn't hate it...yet.

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