5. Properly Prepare to Be Better Than Everyone Else
Again, this is not intended to mock. It’s not so much a choice to become a Park Avenue Tycoon as it is an earned privilege, which is half the reason why people end up ruthlessly mocking the profession in the first place. We won’t address whether or not the greed is justifiable here, but this “greed” (others would call it working twice as much as normal people) does bring in the cash flow. And with that, comes a certain ability to do things.
Meaning, don’t bat your eyes at talks of private jets, luxury boxes, and multi-million dollar summer homes. Mentally ready yourself for having poor creative friends, and really try your hardest not to approach every situation with a “my life is going A LOT better than yours” condescension. It won’t be easy. But it will be respected.
6. Make Great Use of Sports-Related Buzzword Jargon
Deals are “on the five yard line,” though some annoying shit might be trying to make “a goal line stand.”
7. Lessen Your Facebook Activity Considerably
If there is any visible evidence that people with these sorts of jobs don’t do anything except their job, it’s that once immersed, their Facebook will magically go un-updated for at least three months at a time. I find this admirable, and am admittedly jealous.
8. Make It Known That You Read “the Trades”
Tough to do when the only social media you’ve got is a sparsely updated locked twitter account with less than a hundred followers, but this is obviously huge. A good way to get around this is to bring at least one finance friend to every social gathering (this will often occur organically), and spend a good deal of time discussing inter-bank gossip/articles from “the journal” that ultimately have very little to do with your particular situation.
9. Don’t Call It a Job, Call It a Lifestyle
If you’re a writer, artist, or musician, it’s very easy to claim that (insert cool-sounding aspirational title) is “your entire life.” This is because you’ve likely perfected a way to talk about said passion with an unquestioned zeal, making sure people know that you’ll totally be successful because you’re out partying instead of working on that big screenplay.
Thing with these sorts of things is though, is that they’re all self-motivated. Nobody is forcing you to write that novel, so no matter how disciplined you may think you are, it’s probably not even comparable to those who have no choice but to work 12+ hours a day, 7 days a week. This is something that truly is your life--and if you embrace that, it’s gotta be pretty cool.
The 9th Semester Appears on Wednesdays