6. Marketing Associate
Are you a hardworking, hands-on person with an enthusiasm for organic strategic branding initiatives within the burgeoning digital arena? A social media guru with the rare eye for what makes people tick, and know what it takes to curate, execute, and execute VIRAL CAMPAIGNS? Did we say execute twice, but not bother to correct ourselves? Then BOY do we have a relatively boring, underpaid, non-intellectually stimulating job for you!
7. Graduate School
We'll fuse Med and Law into one here, because they’re pretty much the same at this stage--you’re spending an obnoxious amount of time doing shit so you can later do shit and also have a room solely dedicated to overpriced Bourbon.
Graduate school is decidedly removed from the rest of the ilk, given that it represents a strange paradox--you’re temporarily a poor person doing a rich person’s profession, a situation that only your similarly career-minded peers could really understand. This is one of the many reasons why graduate school kids tend to cluster together socially. That, or the fact that single women at law school are suddenly surrounded by a bunch of semi-successful dudes that are all about to become LAWYERS.
8. Administrative Assistant
Answering phone calls, crushing microsoft outlook schedules, but mostly g-chatting for hours on end. This is grad school for those looking for the advanced form of the MRS Degree.
The truly skilled get with their 39 year-old boss, cause a divorce, and start pumping out babies before their former roommate finishes law school.
9. The Service Industry
In this day and age, telling someone that you’re a bartender or waiter often connotes an “oh,” response, as if that person has suddenly discovered you’ve been diagnosed with a terminal disease, and now need to be handled with extreme care.
Despite the “you spent $50K at school to pour people drinks?” mantra of the service industry, it’s actually you that has the last laugh. Strange hours means you’re still on somewhat of a collegiate lifestyle, meaning you can actually do shit during the day--AKA write that 200 page business proposal that the smirkbag marketing associate will be too mentally drained to, and actually get somewhere with it.
Plus, you get to live out your dream of being Justin Long's character from "Waiting." Now there's a dude who really "finds himself."