For many college students, finals week is already underway or about to begin. Too many people get caught up with the stresses that emerge this time of year. So what if you have five exams this week that could make or break your semester, in five years the results of these tests will have long faded out of your memory. Here are eight ways to get you through finals week.
Go to the bar
You do this at least three times a week normally, so why should finals week be any different? Study your ass off during the day and go grab a drink with your buddies at night. This will alleviate any stress you’re feeling and guarantee a good night’s sleep. Word to the wise: make sure you limit yourself to a few drinks, so you don’t oversleep your morning final.
No matter what anyone says, there is no better stress reliever than ej*culating. Hopefully, you have a girl at school you can invite over for a post-study bone sesh, but if you’re not lucky enough to have that luxury, there is always YouJ*zz.
There’s no way around studying during finals week, unless your name is Will Hunting. If you haven’t started drinking coffee yet, now is the time to start because it is going to be your lifeblood for the next 50 years.
If you’ve built up an immunity to coffee, Adderall is your best bet to quell your procrastination. I have seen sorority girls incapable of doing elementary algebra learn calculus in a 10-hour span, all thanks to their friend Addy. I mean, allegedly. Not like it’s a widespread thing on college campuses or anything.
Dominate the game; dominate the final.
Are you stuck at a liberal school that banned smoking in the library? Throw in a dip, it will quickly solve your nicotine fix.
Crushing a workout will give you that “runner’s high”, which is the perfect confidence builder leading up to a big exam.
It seems like every night there are at least four games on. Take a break from studying and watch the teams battle for supremacy.
Editor's Note: Nine out of nine doctors agree Mr. Shots' advice may have long-term health consequences, but, hey, a guy's got to do whatever it takes this time of year.