5. Tour De Study Break
If you have anywhere from 3-8 friends (this includes your ladyfriend du mois), at least three of them will want you to go get Chipotle with them. These meetings are often planned a few hours in advance, meaning that if you’re smart, you’ll stagger the timings so that you get not one study break, but an entire night’s worth.
If you really want to make it count, be sure to bring up that bet from a few months ago that your Bro still hasn’t made good on--he’s comfortably put it behind him, thus creating an environment where you bringing it up is awkward and does something strange to your friendship on a much deeper level, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. (If I were a hashtag rapper, this sentence would be replaced with the words “Tommy Pickles”)
6. Discover Viral Video Sensations
Now’s a great time as any to find a bunch of highly inspiring and entertaining YouTubers, and no longer do anything for the rest of eternity. Discovering Dom Mazzetti during finals a few years back was “the death of me.” I put that in quotes because I unlike other people who say this, I don’t go to Frozen Yogurt stores, get 7-9 toppings, and then spend the next few hours wondering why it cost $9.
For this finals season, here are some solid offerings:
7. Have a Highly-Contrived Epiphany About Your Life
Even if you’re the chayest of the chay-der nation and claim that it’s all good, you are lying. First of all, the packaged sushi they sell at your student-run convenience store is certainly not all good. But probably more importantly, you’re tired, you do sort of care about your future, or you have to make up for screwing around earlier in the semester. The sheer fact that you’re saying “it’s all good” means that “it” is on your mind, meaning that “it” is all-consuming. I lost the game.
While held captive in this philosophical moratorium, you may attempt relieve stress via discovering what exactly it is that you were meant to do with the rest of your life. Except that this feeling is strangely reminiscent to the one you had last Saturday, when you had that conversation with your roommates about that business you all were going to make millions off of. Cue the blackout.
8. Smoke Cigarettes Outside the Library at 4am
They’re like the college equivalent of James Franco, Jason Segel, and Seth Rogen from "Freaks and Geeks," except that one is the heir to a middle-eastern oil empire, another is a kid from Westchester, and one is a higlhy unstable hipster who will likely spend the next ten years in a ditch, then rehab, then on various awards ceremony podiums being hailed the next Darren Aronofsky.
Now’s a great time as any to learn from the three wise men.