Due to the internet, grade inflation, and teary-eyed girls who swore they studied for hours and really deserve better than this C- because they like, studied SO hard, it is no longer necessary to pay attention in class if one desires good grades. In that spirit, here are some better ways to pass the time:
1. Guess the Facebook Picture
A rather thrilling game to play if sitting directly behind a sorority girl. Upon her scrolling through pictures of last week’s party--this will happen at least once per lecture--simply guess the type of picture that will come up next.
Categories can range from: form (srat squat, kissy face, mangled gang sign), guy to girl ratio, attractiveness level of friends, type of drink in hand...the options are endless. Devise a point system with the buddy next to you, and you’re free of boredom for the rest of the semester.
2. Who Would You Do/The LOST Island
This age-old excerise is particularly exhilarating whilst living in the hormonal orgy that is your University.
Start in the first row, go through every girl in the class, and decide whether or not you’d hook up with them. Once that’s done, repeat the process a few weeks later--you’d be surprised to see that shit does in fact, change. Personality and/or shrillness of voice is a bigger factor than you may initially think.
Next, imagine that your entire class is somehow cut off from the rest of the society for all of eternity. You have food and water and the survival essentials, but reproduction is necessary in order to sustain the human race. The catch is that everyone MUST be married, and Mormonism is banned. A nice derivation of fuck, marry, or kill (another game that’ll occupy you for hours), but its time here to choose who in the class you’ll be tied to for the rest of your life. Pair up your friends as well--who do want as their wives? Try and be as fair and unbiased as possible. I.e, if you look like Mt. Vesuvius, don’t expect to land that girl who holds her Vuitton Bag seven feet from her body to underscore that she’s hot. (Not that it’d be impossible to land her, but there’s only so much one can do to erase long standing, societally accepted triviality.)
3. Buzzword Odds
A great game to play with a friend. Go to class a few times, and identify a funny word or phrase your Professor says on a fairly regular basis. These can range from accent based (I once had a Pysch teacher who forgot to use “the” in front of words like “midterm”), catchphrases (a math prof saying BANG! AND THERE’S ALL THE MARBLES!), or any other eye-raising use of the english language. For example, my 12th grade Chemistry teacher had a knack for saying the word “alls.” We tallied each utterance up, and threw a surprise party for him when we reached 100.
The rules are simple: Identify the buzzwords, “draft” buzzwords prior to class, and receive a point per each of your words uttered. If your Prof says one word significantly more than others, you may want to devise a point system that balances the odds more favorably.
4. Work In A Phrase
The in-class version of “the penis game,” which particularly works well in discussion-based settings:
- Prior to class, you and your friends come up with a random phrase.
- The first one to organically work in the phrase during class discussion wins for the day
- Consistently get more outrageous as the semester wears on
**You may need a third party for this, to determine the effectiveness and natural feel of the inserted phrase. If one gets in trouble by the Prof for his or her phrase utterance, they lose.
5. The Eye-Catching Game
Easy to execute, this game tremendous way to get that really cute girl who’d you otherwise have nothing to say to--she’s a year younger, and somehow you only have two mutual friends...somewhat of a red flag but attractiveness and mystery reigns supreme--onto your radar.
In every class, there exists at least one person who needs to do significantly less. As a tribute to my “History of Vietnam” Class I took last spring, we will call this person Steven. “Steven” was a very nice, very smart individual, whose only problem was that in a three hour seminar, he’d average about 60-90 minutes of airtime--most of which involved him making outrageous claims about shit no one else was paying attention to, and/or qualified enough to actually challenge him on. Every class was a rather pompous game of “look I did the reading and no one else did,” something that even the Professor got annoyed with after while.
The game then, goes as follows.
1. When “Steven” makes an outrageous statement/starts doing too much, smile to yourself in gleeful, knowing fashion. Make sure your smile is directed in the vicinity of your target girl, but DO NOT look at her directly. The latter is very important, as its vital in this stage not to come off as just another dickwad high school bully alpha-douche. Let her know you feel the same way about “Steven,” but in terms of him being the basis of your first interaction, she must think she is the opinion leader. Inception is crucial.
2. The next time “Steven” does too much, DO NOT smile. Instead, discreetly look in the direction of your target girl and gauge her reaction.
2a. If she does in fact smile during step 2, move on to step 3. If not, repeat step 2 until the necessary requirements are reached. If still unsuccessful after 5 tries, she is not interested and/or really needs to remove herself from the boring box.
3. Lock eyes with her, and smile knowingly. You now have an inside joke, which we all know = SEX
4. Time your class exit so you’ll be walking out together
5. Date for two years
6. Break up due to an existential "am I throwing away my college years?" crisis, and send/receive a bunch of closure emails that are way too long. Wait a few months, then send/receive a text mentioning "Steven"--the basis for all your inside joke fodder.
6. Guess the History
A phenomenal game to play when you’re alone in class, particularly if the in-class actions of person next to you necessitates you knowing their entire life story. (This is often done through their furious g-chatting with the same three people)
The game is fairly straightforward--upon you seeing him/her talk about the same person at length (usually of the opposite sex), attempt to guess their history. Are they dating, broken up, was it a one night stand, is one desperately trying to get out of the friend zone? While it’s sometimes impossible to discover the answer, the speculation alone is worth about seven unwatchable reality shows.