The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the sorority girls are back for another semester of college.
You can pretend not to care about college life but you would only be lying to yourself. What is not to love about college? Women, partying, more women, football, road trips, even more women, and, the best part of it all, the booze.
Booze and college go together like bikinis and suntans. We all love women but the booze is what we will always remember. How many stories from college do you remember that involves women compared to the stories that involve booze?
After consulting with a few of the finest college bartenders around, we have put together a list of booze every college kid consumes using a highly classified mathematical formula that considers ABV, alcohol by volume, cost, proof, type, origin, and mascot.
Wait, mascot? So maybe it isn’t that complicated of a formula. But the math remains and the list begins. Enjoy.
50.) Rumple Minze Peppermint Schnapps ($24.99/750ml)
Rumple Minze is the bottle you end up buying for the ladies. They love this crap. The peppermint flavor is so refreshing it will make you feel like you are in the Rockies. Did we mention it was 100 proof? So don’t be fooled with the minty flavor, this thing packs a punch.
49.) Olde English 800 ($2.99/40oz)
Malt liquor’s are perfect for college students because it gives you just enough of a high without having to break the bank. The flavor isn’t anything to brag about but when you remember that you only had to shell out a few bucks for a 40-oz bottle of Olde English 800, it tastes that much sweeter.
48.) Rittenhouse Rye Whiskey ($23.99/750ml)
Rye whiskey gets its’ name from the amount of rye, 51%, used in the liquor. But college kids could care less about what type of whiskey they are consuming or how rye whiskey is made, they just care about whether or not it is cost effective. When it comes to 100 proof whiskeys, this is easily one of the best for any student.
47.) Red Dog Beer ($7.49/12 pack)
There is nothing much to Red Dog beer. It is basically soda water with a kick. But since you are willing to save the money you don’t have anyways, this is the beer you need to start buying. Don’t waste time on the expensive stuff, use all that saved cash to buy condoms or food.
46.) Jim Beam Whiskey ($15.99/750ml)
The only reason Jim Beam Whiskey exists is for college kids. If there were no college, there would be no more Jim Beam Whiskey. Sure, they would sell their other products but not this one. You get what you pay for in Jim Beam and nothing will change about that. This liquor serves one purpose, to be sold to poor college kids that are just looking for a quick buzz.
45.) Duggan’s London Dry Gin ($8.99/Liter)
London isn’t known for its alcohol selections but when it comes to Gin, London is King in a land of fairies and frogs. Gin is to college kids as grass is to meat. Duggan’s isn’t a top choice for college students but because of its’ low cost, it sells just fine.
44.) Schlitz Beer ($8.99/12-pack)
The name says it all. Schlitz beer sounds like a crappy beer. Just saying the name makes us feel less like an adult and more like a high school kid using a fake ID to buy booze. But guess what, It is actually not that bad. In fact, of all the crap out there, this beer is decent enough to become a lifetime Schlitz member.
43.) Bacardi 151 ($24.99/750ml)
How else are you going to start a fire in your drink? Bacardi 151 should only be used as a shot you add to your drink. Don’t even attempt to drink this stuff on its own without supervision. This will not only level you within minutes, it will kill you so proceed with caution.
42.) White Horse Whiskey ($14.99/750ml)
When the moment comes that you are ready to declare your manhood, drink White Horse. It is the only scotch we would suggest for college kids to sample. It isn’t expensive so you can save the cash and still feel as elegant as a snob on 5th Avenue.
41.) Corona Light ($13.99/12-pack)
Whenever we see someone buy a Corona Light and do that whole lime insertion and bottle flip, our first thoughts are to walk over to that person and tap the top of their bottle. We don’t suggest you do this, but if it happens to you, you probably shouldn’t be drinking beer with a slice of lime.
40.) Maker’s Mark ($29.99/750ml)
Maker’s Mark has the greatest packaging of any type of booze on this list. The red wax seal on the bottle is so unique; it will make you feel like a pirate. This is also very strong so make sure you brought your big boy pants when you drink this one. Also, check out the prices on this puppy, they are usually high but the purchase is easily worth it.
39.) Everclear 190 ($15.99/750ml)
Everclear serves one purpose in life, to completely mess you up. There isn’t another liquor on the market that can match the power of Everclear. There is only 5% water and 95% alcohol in Everclear. In case you needed to visualize how strong that is, imagine being pushed off the Empire State building and moments before you hit the ground someone punches you in the nuts.
38.) Grey Goose ($29.99/750ml)
For some odd reason Grey Goose made the list and we don’t even know how. This is by far the most expensive vodka any college kid on a budget will end up buying, however, it is so popular on college campuses, it had to make an appearance. Do not waste your time unless you are seriously desperate to impress the ladies. (Trust us, they don’t care what type of alcohol they get from you just as long as they do not have to pay.)
37.) Carlo Rossi Jug-O-Wine ($13.99/4 Liters)
You are not going to find too many wine drinkers in college except for the ladies. However, when times are tough and money is an issue, purchasing a jug of wine is perfect for the inner Gladiator in us all. Not to mention, you get 4 freaking liters for under $15.
36.) Burnett’s Vodka ($14.99/750ml)
The only good thing anyone could say about Burnett’s Vodka is that it is cheap. The taste is similar to swallowing fire so do not attempt to drink this straight up. You need to mix this with something else to wash out the disgusting flavor of it.
35.) 211 Steel Reserve ($1.79/40oz)
If you are looking for a bargain, it doesn’t get much better than Steel Reserve. Of all the malt liquor’s you might end up drinking in college, this is the one that you have to be careful with. It will take only one 40-oz Steel Reserve to take care of business after a long week of studying. Trust us on this one.
34.) Aristocrat Vodka ($6.99/750ml)
Heaven Hill Distilleries is a Kentucky based company that makes a few of the cheap vodkas you will read about on this list. Aristocrat is nothing more than cheap, and by cheap we mean strippers on a Monday afternoon cheap, vodka with a smudge of flavor. If you want to enjoy the taste of vodka, find another drink because this one is not going to do the job.
33.) Wild Turkey 101 ($21.99/750ml)
The stories that come from a night of drinking Wild Turkey 101 are so great; they require us to retell them. One moment I was drinking a bottle of Wild Turkey, the next I was waking up on the second story of a one-story apartment looking for Charlie Brown’s friend Garfield.
32.) Southern Comfort ($15.99/750ml)
Southern Comfort is from the great city of New Orleans but the fact that it comes from a town known for its high consumption of liquor doesn’t guarantee flavor. Southern Comfort is about as tasty as gasoline. At least it feels that way on the way down. Don’t ask what it feels like when it comes back up.
31.) Blue Moon ($7.99/6-pack)
There is nothing we can say about Blue Moon that is negative. This is great beer for any college kid that is looking to step up from the piss water they left in the keg. It might not be the best beer in the industry but dammit this beer is good and worth you money.
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