College
by ASiegel on August 16, 2012

1. The Messy One
Ah, the good ole’ messy roommate. Can never find his books because there's a mountain of clothing on top of them. Frequently goes rummaging through his piles to find his one dress shirt/polo to go out in. When he does laundry he’ll throw his clean clothes into a pile instead of utilizing the dresser every dorm room is equipped with, like a normal person. You can’t even call him out for it, because the junk stays on his side of the room. That’s okay, because you know; his side of the room is invisible when you bring people over (see: girls you’re trying to bone). If you complain enough he’ll eventually make a feeble attempt at cleaning up, but then he just quits and it happens all over again. The best way to combat this type is to keep your side as clean as possible so it looks pristine by comparison.

2. The Loud One

Loud phone calls, loud TV, loud video games and he somehow manages to take loud showers. The loud roommate sucks. Trying to get some work done? Too bad, he’s listening to Levels on repeat with the volume on 11. Headphones? Not this kid. If you’re studying for a test, you’d better head to the library because he’s watching TV at a high enough volume that it can be heard throughout your entire floor. When he talks on the phone you can’t help but wonder if the person he’s talking to is deaf or if his microphone is broken. Usually with this kid, it’s neither. He’s just an insufferable a**hole. The best way to deal with his to a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and pray he gets laryngitis or dies. 

3. The Over-Dramatic one
 More times than not, this will pertain to females. However, in the very unfortunate situation where you are stuck with an over-dramatic guy, it will not be a fun year. He’ll lie in bed and wallow in sadness when his girlfriend breaks up with him…after three days of dating. He’ll “contemplate” suicide after one bad exam score. He’s by far the most annoying roommate on this list, because everything he does is a cry for attention. There isn’t a whole lot you can do to deal with this type of roommate, but whatever you do, don’t let him read you his poetry. Ever.

4. The Snorer
The Snorer is easily the most frustrating roommate there is. He could be the most chill, neat, all around good guy, but when the lights go out, it sounds like a beluga whale is close to shore. He snores so loud things on your dresser rattle. He snores so loud the next room over can hear him. He snores so loud you worry about him dying in his sleep (or pray for it). It’s particularly frustrating because there’s nothing you can do about it. You can ask the messy ones to clean up, the loud ones to shut up and the over-dramatic one to man up, but how can you ask a kid to stop doing something while he sleeps? There isn’t a really good solution to this one. Best advice would be to invest in some earplugs to sleep in.

5. The Smelly One
Another example of a terrible roommate, and quite possibly the most egregious, is a dude that carries a most pungent odor. An odor that can only be described as a decomposed body, mashed with rotten pizza, on top of fresh horsesh*t after a minute in the microwave. He smells awful, is my point. The worst part is, you don’t know why. The kid showers everyday, he does his laundry, but he just has The Odor. You walk into your room, gag, get used to the smell, walk out of your room, and then repeat the process. The best way to deal with this roommate is to buy Febreeze in bulk and just have a constant mist of it in your room.

Honorable Mention
The Sh*tshow
The Shut In
The One Who’s Girlfriend is ALWAYS over

I’ve had the good fortune to have always had cool roommates who don’t fit these types, but I’ve heard enough horror stories and spent enough time with these kinds of people to know they exist. So here’s to you guys all having my good luck, and god speed to the ones who don’t.