College
by Quinn on June 20, 2014

sad-college-graduate

Want to keep the party going after graduation? Welcome to the fuckin’ club. Just because you can’t skip your 8 AM anymore doesn’t mean your days of disoriented dance moves and deplorable decision making are behind you. Quite the contrary actually. Here are a few ideas to make sure you don’t leave your best days behind you after graduation.

Become A Happy Hour Hero

Think that just because you have a 9-5 now means you won’t be going out during the week? Think again, bud. True, you might not stumble in at 4 AM after hitting up dollar draft night at your favorite college bar, but I’ll be damned if you don’t wake up the next morning with a wicked hangover and alcohol induced anxiety that’s through the roof. Take it from me, nothing beats a good happy hour. Grab a few of your closest bro’s or some of your co-workers and head down to that hole in the wall down the street. Two dollar shots? Check. Liquor pitchers? Check. Sounds like a good time to me.

Play Intramural Sports

Want to relive the good ole glory days? Well you’re in the wrong spot, my friend. In intramurals, the only “hustle” you’ll get is from the parking lot to the bar after the game is over, and the only “training” you’ll be doing is 12 oz. curls in between pitches. Essentially, intramural sports are just an excuse to get drunk. Oh, and did I mention a great way to meet girls? Join a coed (insert random sport here) league, and odds are there will be several attractive young ladies on your team. They’re not there for the love of the game, either. Stacy that plays right field, yea, she can’t even name five MLB teams-I’ll bet my parents house on it. The point is, these girls are there to meet new guys, that guy should be you.

Throw Down On a Summer Getaway

Being a working stiff isn’t all bad, just like 85% bad. The other 15% accounts for that hefty paycheck you collect every other week. That means that instead of scraping ramen noodles out of the bottom of a saucepan, you can actually afford some real cuisine, and instead of spending spring break at the Days Inn in a podunk Florida town, you can actually afford a real vacation. Grab a few buddies and book a week at an all inclusive resort. If you want to take things up a notch, Choose a month or two and book a share house at your nearest beach this summer. Don’t live close enough to a beach? Then choose a month and hit a different city with your bro’s every weekend. Monday mornings will be a struggle, but if you’re doing your weekends right, it’ll be well worth the hangover.

For the Love Of God, Move Out Of Mom and Dad’s Basement

You would think this one kind of goes without saying, but apparently some folks are just missing the ball on this one. I totally get that due to financial constraints, some of us may not be so fortunate as to be able to leave the nest immediately after graduation. That’s what four years of slowly pissing away your money on everything your DARE officer told you to avoid will do to your bank account. However I’m referring to those guys that think not having to do your own laundry trumps 24/7 uninhibited freedom. One of the best parts of postgrad living is being able to do whatever the fuck you want, whenever the fuck you want. So why waste that freedom living in a place where you still have to keep it down when you stumble in belligerently drunk at 4 AM? But hey, I hate folding laundry too. Your decision.

Find Something You Love and Work For It

Sitting in a cube for eight hours a day can be enough to make any man question his sanity. Unless you want to sit around stewing about your shitty job even after you leave the confines of corporate drudgery, it’s imperative that you stay busy. Find yourself a hobby, or better yet, find something your passionate about that you can maybe parlay into a career someday. Me, I kinda dig on this writing thing. I enjoy it, it strokes my ego, and I think I’m not half bad at it either. Don’t agree? Look me up, we’ll fight. *

* * *

All jokes aside, being a strapping young lad with a college degree and plenty of free time on your hands (yes, you’ll still have some time on your hands) makes for the perfect opportunity to find your true calling in life. The chances of your first job being the job or career you end up working for the rest of your life are about on par with the odds of Donald Sterling sitting courtside at a Clippers game next season. So who cares if you’re working some shitty cube job? Find something you love, work your ass off, and things will fall into place.

Quinn

About Quinn...