We'll save the obligatory introductory statements, and get right into it--a lot went down this year, and here's a guide that probably won't keep it all in check. Although it will certainly attempt to:
40. Bandwagon Opinions
Why like something when someone else may hate it, rendering you a non-culturally in tune outcast?
If you watch a popular TV show and go on twitter/some website/rotten tomatoes at the same time, there’s a good chance that a bunch of highly influential people will form opinions on that show. Meaning that if the general blog/twitter consensus is that the show sucks, then you, the right kind of person, must also think that show sucks .
Yes “Breaking Bad” is awesome, but would it be as awesome without the ringing endorsement of the internet?
39. The Ganj
Always a popular item amongst the demo, the ganj made some great strides this year, which you likely know about through your stoner friends’ semi-profound facebook statuses that tried to make the issue solely about making great strides in individual liberties.
(This of course, was a poorly executed attempt to mask the fact that he couldn’t give a shit about individual liberties, and really just wants to smoke weed.)
It's nearly impossible not to find that smiling pile of shit emoticon highly enjoyable.
Below is everyone conversation that has ever happened regarding Snapchat
Person 1: Yo, hear about this dope app that both me and my girlfriend don’t really want to use, but will because if we didn’t, it would imply we thought a shit ton of girls/guys are currently more alluring than the one we’ve decided to monogamize with?
Person 2 is not impressed, so Person 1 realizes he must go in for the kill.
Person 1: Best thing is, pic is gone after 10 seconds
Person 2: Nah brah. You could screenshot it.
Person 1: Wow. You’re a genius. That idea is solely yours, and definitely wasn’t thought of by anyone else in the world.
Person 2: I know, I’m the shit.
35. Impractical Hashtags
Impractical hashtags #blewup this year. Obviously, we have not seen the last of these. #nosir.
I’d implore you to take a journey back.in.time and recall the your “first time” with this Carly Rae Explosion. For better or for worse, this was likely one of your more memorable moments of 2012.
33. “That awkward moment when this isn’t real life.”
When the two most despicable phrases of the collegiate realm collide, there’s no telling how many muploads of giant fishbowl drinks complete with 6 straws will ensue. Like so:
T minus 5 hours till Cancun!! Seriously, is this real life?
That awkward moment when the guy at Tiki bar REALLY needs to get a clue. #packitup.
(Do I get 90% of my material from general chatter regarding Spring Break Trips? Possibly)
32. Legitimization of Instagram
What used to be something only for girls and guys who worship "The Lumineers" is now
embraced hated on by the most manly of the pack--specifically those with shamelessly large amounts of disposable income, who enjoy popping bottles at places rapped about by Curtis Jackson.
31. Reddit and the Viral Machine
This was a year where social media was ruled by the Lords of “Likes,” who called about the Vassals of Viral distribute content that is ultimately meaningless, but capitalizes on our internet-induced tendency to stare at SHIT THAT JUMPS OUT AT US without really taking it in.
The Reddits and the Buzzfeeds of the world mastered the art of going viral, something that will most certainly continue to rule the collegiate realm as long as Professors continue to be unengaging.
30. G Chat
Other Person is typing
Other Person is typing
(me thinking about making some comment about why he/she is too cool to respond, but instead quickly shut the g chat out of office-snooping fear)
29. Not Being Impressed
It may be “justameme,” but apply it to your expectations of the opposite sex, and it suddenly means so much more. For bonus points, feel free to add the phrase “story of my life.”
28. Learning That Someone You Haven’t Talked to in 3 Years Has Just Joined Spotify
27. Macklemore + The New Wave of Intelligent Hip-Hop
People were mad into the lighter, almost poppy “Thrift Shop,” but the success of Macklemore & Ryan Lewis' “The Heist” was perhaps indicative of a larger trend, encapsulated nicely through a viral “call to action” piece written by Jeff Baird of “Fresh New Tracks” earlier this year:
I’m asking us to be conscious of what we consume and what type of hip-hop we’re promoting when we share it. Our choices ultimately get reflected in who’s in the magazines, who’s on the radio, and even who’s getting a record deal. I’m always careful to promote new artists who have something special to share (see Kendrick Lamar, Macklemore, Blue Scholars, Logic, Kinetics, Dylan Owen, Accent—just to name a few), and I’ll continue to do so. But many of hip-hop’s forefathers are on their way out, and it’s up to us to make sure the right artists of this new generation end up on top.
26. Conference Shuffle, Death of the Big East
I have no idea why this twitter account did not become absolutely monstrous--a twitter mystery as disappointing as the sudden discontinuation of Ghetto Hikes--but the trend is undeniable. Be it your roomie portrait, those grease monkeys that nearly ruined the trip to AC, or the girls at your frat formal insisting you guys take a chapter-wide pic, Groups of Dudes killed it this year.
24. Teaching abroad for a year / “finding” and “discovering” yourself / Gap Year
There was a movie that came out in 2011 called “Take Me Home Tonight,” which stars Topher Grace as a whiny smart person who is too talented to have an actual job. It had all the makings of a mid-March Hall Pass-esque throwaway movie, except that it strangely decided to be a terrific commentary on post-college confusion. We see both Anna Faris and Topher Grace in a world where their talents and hopes seem alarmingly unattainable, thus forcing them to garner victories step by step, winning each possession as opposed to the entire ball game.
They weren’t afforded a gap year, but the movie excellently captured the sentiments of the sorts of people that do take the time to be ski instructors in Colorado.
(Despite it sorta-kinda taking place in the 80’s-- complete with a soundtrack that screamed “LOOK THE 80s”--it basically took place in 2011.)
23. Superlative Extremes, Using the Word “Ever”
Seriously, this is the worst shit ever.
22. Recessional Nihilism
Apparently, Ke$ha is now a legitimate artist who captures the essence of our collective “recessional nihilism.” And while that last sentence may simply be a stuffily academic way of saying “fuck it, let’s party,” it apparently resonates pretty strongly within our generational ish--uncertainly reeling upon more uncertainly, with our only comfort coming in the form of an uncontrollable spiral. Something along the lines of “we can only control what we can’t control, so let’s take control of being uncontrollable.”
(Basically just a bunch of wordplay to sound smart, but that disconnect between "doing what you love” and not having to have a heart attack everytime you look at a menu is really starting to matter.)
21. The Doritos Locos Tacos
Between Victor Rasuk getting a second wind, Taco Bell attempting to cater to the cultural movers and shakers of ambiguously urban cities via the usage of @PassionPit, and the collective groaning of our nation’s sewers, it was quite a year to live Mas.
20. Bud Light Platinum
This is a very good article about how Platinum “made it” in the way us 20-something ideologues could only dream of. Basically, it says that Platty Light is premium top-shelf stuff for people who still buy a lot of shit on their parents credit card--frat Bros riding out the sunset into a world where they live in apartments they totally shouldn’t live in at age 22, dating girls who are relatively attractive, but can never be taken seriously due to the frequency by which they use the phrase LOVE. THIS.
Wake up hungover and go to your entry level “job,” but at night, Platinum will make you a King.