15. Moon a Group of Adults
Notice how it says adults and not women. If you moon a group of women, you aren't drunk, you are 12. Mooning is already a very childish act but when drinking alcohol, it ends up being the next great thing. So it is only natural you would have mooned a group of older adults instead. It is like you are sticking it to society. Or you are just that drunk.
14. Pass Out on the Sidewalk (Or wherever you are)
After you have been drinking, you end up losing track of how much. It usually ends up in disaster, AKA a blackout. When you blackout from drinking alcohol, the first thing that happens is you fall asleep in the spot you are standing when the blackout hits you. There is no moving you, you are going to be asleep and laying in, possibly, a pool of vomit near a sidewalk. Good luck when it happens and remember, we have all been there buddy.
13. Tell the Truth (About Everything)
The filter that you usually use will fall off after you hit drunk level 9. All those secrets you recall about exes or your buddies will end up hitting the cutting room floor to the next person that stands next to you. And why? Because you have nothing better to do and your brain is asleep at the wheel.
12. Break Into a Zoo
Now this might sound like a bad idea but it is. This is a terrible idea and no one should ever try it. However, you will because you want a monkey like from that movie and you only know one place that has it, the zoo. Hell, if you want a Tiger too, my heart goes out to your family.
11. Eat Food off the Floor
It might be a bet but it is a bet a drunkard will win 10 times out of 10. There isn't much you won't eat off the floor when you are drunk because that part of your brain that tells you no went on vacation and the yes part is ready to party. Besides, you are drunk and hungry. What is the worse that can happen?
10. Hump a Statue
There is something to be said about giant statues and that is, they all need to be humped. It is about as funny as it sounds but the alcohol you consume will have you thinking it is the greatest idea since gasoline in cars. But now, with social media apps like Twitter and Instagram, humping statues is something we all must do or Reddit might not think we are funny OP's.
9. Hump an Innocent Bystander
See Above but this time replace it with a human being. Try pulling that one off, if you haven't already.
8. Get Arrested
Not everyone can handle alcohol. You will find this out when you get arrested for drunk in public, which is a real thing. It only takes one arrest to teach you a valuable lesson about drinking alcohol, don't do it around cops. Those dudes ruin everything. How many times have you been arrested for drunk in public? If you said never, you aren't doing it right.
7. Lose Everything
Losing your phone, that is about a decent drunk night. But losing your phone, keys, wallet, and belt? That is one epic drunken night. It happens to us all.
6. Pee in Public
Yes sir, this happens too often. As a New Orleans native, I have experienced my share of Mardi Gras's and going to the bathroom is one of the worse parts about it. After spending a day of drinking, you know have to stand in a long ass line to pee when there is about 450 square miles of grass and sidewalks that dogs pee on all the time. Naturally, you make the call and release the urine. Some people even do it in an airport, right random guy from the Twilight movies?
5. Penis Pics
If you are sending pictures of your penis to other women, you are doing it wrong. Sure, it sounds like a great idea and it might help convince that chick to invite you over but if you have to send a cock shot to a chick to be invited to her place for the night, you probably could have got the invite without the picture. That being said, men are who we are and we will send those pictures just as fast as the thought pops into our head before thinking about the repercussions.
4. Bring Home a Troglodyte
At the end of the night, no amount of alcohol can cure a man's horny nature. In fact, the more we drink, the more we end up wanting to slam bacon. So when the night goes South and we have but one option left, we settle for that ugly girl at the bar that has been our shadow all night. You can blame it on the alcohol but your friends will never let you get away with this one. If you haven't already experienced this mayhem, do yourself a favor and avoid it at all costs.
3. End Up Naked Somewhere
Men like to take off their clothes and we do not know why. For whatever reason, we enjoy getting naked, and that is when we are sober. Imagine what happens when we are drunk and decide to get naked, we do, regardless of the place. I have a buddy that was dropped off at the wrong house and woke up naked on the lawn. The owner of the home understood what was happening and brought him clothes and gave him a ride home. But not all naked stories end up so happy. Most end up in jail. Without clothes.
You did read that right, men cry. We aren't as emotional as women when they drink alcohol but we tend to find ourselves looking back over the years and reliving those golden days of yesterday. And once the tears start to flow, it is like the beaches of Normandy, they just come, wave after wave. We cannot stop them either. Most guys will lie and say this isn't true but they are probably the ones that do it all the time.
1. Drunk Dial an Ex with Bad Intentions
Every man will do this before he turns 30. He might even have done this 3,942 times before he turns 30. It is the simplest thing men do when drinking. We have a handful of women on our phones that we consider our go-to's and when the night goes South, we rely on the past to get us through the night. If you haven't done this already, you will.