Before you turn 30 years old, there are certain rites of passage you must follow.
Rites of passage for grown men can vary depending on geographic location but they theme remains the same, all men must do certain things to claim their man card.
For example, kissing a girl. If you are 29 years old and haven't kissed a girl, even gay men kiss a girl before 30, than you might want to approach a stranger and plant one of the lips. Don't say we told you to do so, just be a rock star and do it.
That is the simplest idea we could think of for a man to become a man. Another would be what you do when consuming alcohol. If you have spent the past 29 years drinking alcohol and going to bed without any crazy stories, you are doing it wrong. You might want to take out a pen and write down what you are about to read.
This is a list of the 30 drunk things every man will do before he is 30. Remember, if you are reading this and haven't done any of them, go grab a bud light and get started. Shit bro, it isn' that hard.
30. Throw Up in a Cab or Bus
Men control their alcohol intake when alone or with a group of women. But when we are with old buddies or a group of our best friends, the amount we consume takes a turn to unlimited town. It becomes a competition amongst ourselves and the next thing you know, we are spewing Tequila on the city bus. It has happened to yours truly but at least I had the intelligence to get off the bus and run. I mean, clean it up and pay for the damages.
29. Steal a Street Sign
Stop signs are great accessories in your man cave. It is a trophy you can carry for all time. The best part about it is that the police rarely go after someone who steals a street sign. It is difficult to track something like that or so alcohol makes us think. Why else would someone have a street sign above their queen size bed?
28. Eat 100 Tacos in One Sitting
Don't act like you haven't been there, we all have. Taco Bell is open late and tacos are about 60 cents a piece. It is not only cheap and easy to order, it is fun to show off your Kobayashi skills and devour 100 tacos in under 10 minutes. I am not saying you will eat all 100 of them, most people don't make it past 10, but it is surely a fun challenge that we will end up trying to defeat for years.
27. Walk Home
How many people do you know have drank way too much alcohol and get angry because the TV isn't 3-D so they leave the party and walk home, even if they live 30 miles away or if it is storming. I have seen it happen. When a man is ready to leave, he is going to leave, with or without you. Walking home isn't a big deal being as your senses have taken a back seat to reasoning. You would be shocked at how many drunk men end up walking home in the rain.
26. Get Into a Bar Fight That You Started But Didn't Finish
Not every man will get into a fight when he is drunk. We are not all animals and shouldn't be judged as such. However, there are just some nights when things happen that put you in a bad mood before you start drinking. Now you are just looking for someone to unleash the attitude on. Next thing you know the whole bar is fighting and two of your buddies are dragging you out of there telling you we have to leave.
25. Argue with a Homeless Person
Homeless people are batshit crazy. Everyone knows this already. But when a man drinks alcohol, he becomes another person. When he drinks too much alcohol, he becomes a douchey know-it-all. So it is only common to see a drunk person yelling at a homeless person because Val Kilmer would make a better chef than Tyrion Lannister. I know, it sounds dumb but you should go talk to a homeless person some time.
24. Make Out with a Stranger (Preferably of the opposite sex)
No I am not talking about after a night of buying someone drinks, I am talking about something completely random. This usually happens on your way out of the club too. It is that moment when you are passing someone by and the thought tackles your brain and tells you to do it, so you do. It can go either way depending on the amount of alcoholic intake she has consumed that night. If it works, you are in. If not, you are drunk and in the same place you started.
23. Go To Casino, Spend Every Dime
Most of these are life lessons from yours truly through experiences. And yes, I once drank enough alcohol that would make even Joe Walsh jealous and then I went to a casino. The worse part about it was the girl with me was drunk too and didn't mind the countless trips to the ATM. You would think she would have grabbed my card and thrown it away, right? Not so much.
22. Spill Alcohol on Everything
Spilling alcohol is when you know you are drunk. If you can't figure out how to keep from spilling the contents in your container, that means you have done your job and you are drunk as shit. How many shirts you have are covered in alcohol from the night before? All the great hangovers come with a alcohol soaked shirt.
21. "Like" Everything on Facebook
Being allowed on Facebook when drunk is evil. There should be a block for drunk people. My friends know I am drunk when I like everything in the news feed for the past twelve hours. I might even make a few comments about how ugly someone is or how fat they look now. Either way, Facebook is the devil to drunkards.
20. Go Streaking
Going streaking is just something you will end up doing before you turn 30 anyways so you mine as well do it soon. If you don't have the nerve, you will once you drink a bucket of hard liquor. At that point, the idea to remove all your clothes and run down the road is so epic you wonder why you haven't done it sooner.
19. Buy Everyone a Drink
The number one thing all men should do when planning on drinking lots of alcohol for the night is leave your credit/debit cards at home. After one too many drinks, you will end up buying the whole bar a good time. Since I have been in that position several times, I ask you to be careful when spending money while drunk. Almost everything is purchasable when you have been drinking.
18. Become Justin Timberlake
Do you know anyone who goes to a karaoke bar to sing for real? No way. People go to karaoke bars to get drunk and make fools of themselves as they sing Backstreet Boys hits and dance like a freaking idiot. The more alcohol the better. In fact, you might even end up with a group of new friends to sing "We are the World."
17. Burn Food at Home (and the roof of your mouth)
The one thing men often do when they get home from a night of drinking is cook the most epic meals of all time. These meals end up including just about everything in the kitchen between two slices of bread but only after you have done the whole Quizno's thing and tossed it in the oven. Just don't forget about the food when you pass out on the kitchen floor. Can we say fire alarm?
16. Have Sex in Public
For most men, having sex is an adventure of its' own. If you have the savvy to get a girl to have sex with you in public, you have a gold medal in our books. Public can be anything from a car parked outside a night club to a restroom in Starbucks. As long as it isn't at home and it isn't in a house. Unless, of course, it is a complete strangers house. In that case, you win at life.
Click Below for the Top 15 Drunk Things Every Guy Will Do Before He's 30