Beautiful people who are DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB (<1300 on the SATs) need not apply. I don't even know why you're still reading this.

College Prowler, a message board for college reviews "written by students, for students" (except it's about 65% high school seniors and college student's parents), released a fluffy, somewhat-mastabatury listicle ranking the 25 colleges where the students are both "hot and smart." Sorry people at the ASUs, PSUs, MSUs, CUs, KUs, UofTs, UofFs, and THE Us of the world: The artibters at College Prowler think your a bunch of fugly dumbasses. Making the list? Vassar, Miami University, Bucknell, UCLA, UCSB, yada yada yada ramalamadingdong: 

Because fuck justifications for rankings (Business Insider has that as a slideshow for the interested), let's just RANK THIS SHIT. Listicle without commentary, TL;DR version:

25. California Polytechnic State University - San Luis Obispo

24. University of California - Santa Barbara

23. Vassar College

22. Miami University (Ohio)

21. Bucknell University

20. Wake Forest University

19. University of California — Los Angeles

18. Liberty University

17. Duke University

16. Brigham Young University — Idaho

15. Yale University

14. University of Southern California

13. Middlebury College

12. Wesleyan University

11. Biola University

10. Boston College

9. Santa Clara University

8. Stanford University

7. Colgate University

6. Howard University

5. Vanderbilt

4. Georgetown University

3. University of Virginia

2. Pacific Union College

1. Brigham Young University

In the words of BroBible's only Georgetown Hoya, Lance Pauker: "Having BYU at number one is like ordering 2 meals at the Cheesecake Factory."