Last week, we posted a video of a San Diego Sorority doing a choreographed song and dance to the beat of Biggie’s "Hypnotize." While the video was certainly well done, it was also a clear reminder that the species known as “Sorority Girl” is far and away the collegiate sphere’s leading provider of impeccable satire material.
We’ve all had our encounters, and we’ve all walked away from them more and more baffled about everything we thought we once knew. In that spirit, here are some markers that have made our interactions with the female Greeks all the more memorable:
(Note: Sorority girls are of course, GORG, and the collective is not necessarily indicative of the inividual)
1. “Ugh...I Know”
The thing about being associated with 70 other girls who also have blonde hair and have similarly convinced themselves that they’re more attractive than they actually are, is that it’s often easy to get lost in the pinnie-wearing pack. If you’re currently a freshman girl vacillating as to whether or not this is the thing for you--fear not. You can thank your kind in advance, as they have conveniently thought of a way to make you drastically different than everyone else.
Simply say the words “ugh,” followed by “I know” after anything that may be considered “typical,” and you are in the clear. It’s foolproof.
2. Whatever Recently Happened Was Pretty Terrible
They’ve had a long week--it was five days just like everyone elses, and they had to send three longish emails they didn’t anticipate sending. What was worse than that, the big bad ex took like four hours too long to respond to a text, which is pretty brutal considering the other guy who’d probably work out better in the long run (but is kind of a dweeb) has finally had enough. And to top it all off, it rained once.
3. You’re Actually Texting Them
Admittedly, the Golden Age for this has since passed, with the BBM now riding off into a sunset hopefully not filled with RIM CEO’s with college-aged daughters. The iPhones have obviously brought with them a new set of textiquette, but let’s also not discount G-Chat. For many a graduated Kappa, this is LITERALLY the only reason they can get through the day. Like. I’m not even joking. You think I’m joking.
4. Hand Signs
Sororities are pretty much the same thing as gangs, the only difference being no sorority girl has ever ventured near, let alone heard of, public transportation. In that spirit, they will blitz you early and often with Delta triangles, Theta teeth things, and weird symbols for DG. The wars are often brutal, but come on.
5. You Are Talking To More Than One
Think long and hard about this one. Unless you were hooking up, on a date, or taken hostage by someone who went ape sh*t trying to disprove this theory, has there ever been a time where you talked to one of these specimens WITHOUT the presence of her gum snapping, eye-rolling, hair brushing-back support group?