6. Money Earned vs. Hating Yourself Equilibrium

I wish I had a graph here, but the jist of this mathematical breakthrough is as follows:

• The more miserable a job is, the more they have to compensate you for being miserable
• The less miserable a job is, the less they have to compensate you for being miserable
• At some point, no amount of money will make up for how miserable your job is
• At some point, no amount of awesomeness will make up for the fact that you can’t afford to buy shampoo

Of course, the trick is to find exceptions to these rules. But for those of us living within this plane (most of us), life’s primary mission is to find a balance.

7. The Upper Right-Hand Corner of Your Facebook Page

Is suddenly littered with people getting engaged. The dominos are falling, so best take cover.

8. Appreciation of Things You’d Hate Yourself for Appreciating a Few Months Ago

About a year ago today, due to a strange series of circumstances, I commuted to an internship with my brothers roommate (we’ll call him the Z-man), who dropped me off on the way to work. While I spent the 40 minute commute wondering how the fuck people woke up at 6 and didn’t disintegrate into dust by 3pm, the Z-man talked how he was really getting into talk radio. Like, highlight of his day sort of shit.

At the time, I was somewhat appalled at what I interpreted to be a tone heavily rooted in resignation--a “yep, this is just about as good as it gets” sort of thing. But the Z-man was right. His talk radio is your Pandora, my Spotify Playlists, and my roommate’s nightly summary of how awesome his lunch was.  

9. Sudden Appreciation for Extremely Dark Humor

This is because it doesn’t necessarily get better. It just kind of gets. And laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing is may very be the best antidote to temporarily tolerating the unforgiving, “make sure there’s no lint on your suit” reality we’ve constructed.

And this is before having kids.

10. The Realization

First, it seems like just another internship. Then, it’s just a longer internship. Then, it’s something you’ll be doing for quite awhile.

Around the 4-6 month mark, it’ll come at the most innocuous of moments--riding the elevator, in the middle of a vigorous teeth brushing sesh, or whilst in line for the bathroom, drunkenly chatting up the sort of person you’ll never see again, but weirdly remember forever. The sudden realization that this is what you do now, and what you’ll be doing for the next 50 years.

Time for a shot. A few shots, actually.

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