6. Fleeting Moment of Extreme Depression
Sort of the exact opposite of Eisenberging. It’ll hit you at a moment of intense loneliness--upon seeing that flash of wild ecstasy spread across your friend’s face, him having no idea how much the girl he’s hooking up with actually sucks. Or perhaps its more of an unprovoked thing--just a sudden pang. The lack of vibrate in your pocket, a silent affirmation that she’s not gonna text you back tonight.
It’ll last about 10-15 seconds, but it’s by far one of your darkest hours--you have no idea why people find this fun, or what the fuck was the point of spending $30 just now. If we’re all about making timely references that get really annoying because of oh shit grab that tumblr domain, this is your fiscal cliff.
7. The Dramatic Slam-Down
Any bar that has sit-down tables also has Bros on Bros on Bros who have never once gently placed down their mugs. This is fact.
8. The Levels Bros
Really applicable for any “oohhhh shit!!” song, but Avicii's Levels has the uncanny ability to initiate this spectacle every single time. Sit on the buildup, wait for the drop, and watch two-three guys completely forget whatever else they were doing, huddle up, and instantly turn into the Baltimore Ravens immediately following Ray Lewis' final pre-game speech.
It’s a beautiful occurrence, practiced almost exclusively by those who this very website is dedicated to.
9. Single Senior Girl, Perpetually Exhaling
It’s not too often that an entire person’s current life outlook could be defined with one succinct bodily function, but such is the case of the senior single girl.
Sooooo over the hookup scene, every night out has now turned into an overly dramatic sigh--one where she realizes there’s really nothing left for her here. Partly because she's mentally moved onto the next phase of her life, but partly because “all the good ones are taken...even the gay guys.”
10. Post-Rejection Verbal Exchange
After a dude gets turned down by enough girls, he’ll transfer his talents to the shit-talking arena. Supported by a “give zero fucks” glance of dismissiveness, he’ll unnecessarily bump into an innocent dude passerby, who’s probably already peeved by the fact that you can’t fucking move in this place.
After the passerby's expectation for a quick apology is in replaced by that well-timed sneer o’douche, it’s almost guaranteed that he'll match him with an overly sarcastic remark, designed to specifically get to the core of the Bro who’s time at the gym has not at all translated into barside success. Things probably won’t escalate from there, but only because both sides have a friend who enjoys acting like a “relax, Bro” benchwarmer upon the faintest trace of brawl.