Girlfriends and college; the two don’t go together like peanut butter and jelly but is something that most guys are forced to experience at some point. Whether it’s because you decided to wifey-up your hook up buddy so she can stop asking, “What are we?” or the playing field of drunken girls and one-night stands has suddenly taken a turn for the worse (like Derek Jeter’s postseason injury). At some point making the commitment and starting a relationship is a Bro's only option.
Like most things in life, there are ups and downs to having a girlfriend in college. Consistent sex being number one on the list of "ups" is something every guy will agree with. The list of "downs" is much longer depending on the girl but one thing they all have in common is the need to complain about the way you're living your college life.
Here are 10 habits most girlfriends will (if not already) bitch about when you’re in college:
1. Being a Wingman
Being a wingman helps to keep your game up even when you have a girlfriend. If you get stuck with having to flirt with a fat girl, suck it up for your friend and remind him how much your girlfriend bitched – just to help him get laid. Even though he owes you one, you will always hear, “Doesn’t he have any other friends?” from your girlfriend.
2. Drinking, In General
The more you party, the more they will bitch. They don’t like it when your drunk because the opportunity for you to fuck up your relationship are always higher than normal.
3. Talking to the Girl You Used to Hook Up With
Girlfriends will never like the girl you used to bang so try to avoid any contact with her. They will constantly ask when you last talked to her and every time the two run into each other it’s awkward (especially if you’re all in the same class). It’s also hysterical because it makes you look like a champ when two girls are fighting over you.
4. Having Unsanitary Living Conditions
She will always hate how messy your house is and the fact that you and your roommates are doing nothing about it. From the stacked up plates in the kitchen sink to the shaved pubes on your bathroom floor and your sheets that are starting to smell like big foot’s ass. If you don’t do anything about this, get ready for an ear full of bitchiness that will lead to her threatening never to sleep with you again until you wash your sheets.
5. Ignoring Texts and Phone Calls to Avoid Buzz Kills
First, you will get called out by your friends for having a girlfriend in college. Second, the more you ignore her texts and phone calls the more she will continue to contact you until you answer. This is a lose-lose situation, but at the end of the day you don’t want to look like an asshole for always talking to your girlfriend on the phone when you should be crushing beers with your friends.
6. Hitting on Hot Freshman Girls
It’s so tempting and never ends well if your girlfriend catches you in the act. Hitting on hot freshman girls when you’re not a freshman is that much easier and a lot more tempting. Even though freshman girls are 18-years-old, your girlfriend will always bring up how young they are and how creepy it is to get with them. She is also wrong.
7. Acting Crazy During Sports Events
It’s a Bros second nature to get absolutely belligerent when it comes to supporting your school during sporting events. Every girlfriend will bitch about how their boyfriend got way to drunk for the football game, got into a fight and passed out covered in body paint – to me that just sounds like an awesome story.
8. Forgetting to Buy Condoms
She might be on birth control but just because you forgot to buy condoms she was forced to bitch. Now you are forced to run to the local gas station or store with a tucked up hard-on. All of this just to avoid blue balls.
9. Binge Drinking
Like number two on this list the more you drink the more of a chance you have to fuck up your relationship and the chances are even higher when you're binge drinking. It doesn’t help if your girlfriend witnesses you chugging beer, shot gunning, funneling, taking shots or doing keg stands. This is basically everything you were excited to do as soon as you got to college so don’t let her bitching ruin your time.
10. Using College as an Excuse for All Your Habits That She Hates
When else can you use college as an excuse (besides missing class)? It’s a time to do this kind of shit simply because you can. Having a girlfriend should never change the way a Bro will act in college. When she bitches, just know that you’re doing something right.
Awesome girlfriends that do not bitch about your college habits are always welcome. You know your girlfriend is a keeper if she can hang with your friends without you being there, drinks more than any girl you’ve ever met, and doesn’t bitch about the things on this list (and the fact that you’re now reading about it.)