Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Related: The 50 most entertaining celebrities to follow on Twitter
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Can't wait for that show where that guy yells at those guys who work out all of the time that they're not working out hard enough
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 23, 2014
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Oh, it’s coming…
If you send me a text, and in the context of that text you use a word like "clandestine", I just automatically want to fuck you.
— Bree Olson (@BreeOlson) June 23, 2014
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Good to know.
I'm older than Patrick Bateman and that's upsetting
— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) June 23, 2014
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Odd reference point, but okay.
Remember, Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks. Have a great day 🙂
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) June 23, 2014
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Thanks.
The early bird catches the worm.
— Johnny Weir (@JohnnyGWeir) June 23, 2014
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And there went five seconds of our lives.
My goal is to become passionate about being dispassionate.
— Roseanne Barr (@therealroseanne) June 23, 2014
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Wait, what?
I love twitter! I used to tweet more, think I'm gonna start tweeting more
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) June 23, 2014
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Thank goodness.
If anti-stress body wash worked the world would be a veeery different place
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) June 23, 2014
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Yes, we’d all be veering a lot more.
The Bacardis seem like a whiny bunch for booze moguls
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 23, 2014
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Rum can be a depressant.
Was it when your nip popped out? RT @NancyGraceHLN: One time I had an energy drink before DWTS, I was nearly thrown off stage #KillerDrink?
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 23, 2014
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Perfect.
Just saw a man talking on a pay phone… I should call the cops right?
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) June 23, 2014
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Immediately.
I’m halfway through Hillary Clinton’s book. I don’t want to ruin the ending but I bet she kills this guy “Bill.”
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) June 23, 2014
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So that’s where the movie’s name came from.
'SHOW ME HER BUTT! SHOW ME THAT GODDAMN BUTT' is what I screamed at the bathing suit website.
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) June 24, 2014
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Hey, me too!
Hope Solo called her nephew a pussy, he pulled a gun on her, she punched him, then he beat her with a broom stick. God my family is boring..
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 24, 2014
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Seriously…
I don’t care if the black keys play in hell, I’ll go, round trip
— Ireland (@IrelandBBaldwin) June 24, 2014
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Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
Sting says he isn't leaving any of his money to his children. Even worse, he's not even leaving them a last name.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) June 24, 2014
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Where’s a rimshot when you need one?
Don't bite people.
— Scott Van Pelt (@notthefakeSVP) June 24, 2014
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Talking to you, Suarez.
They should have one ex mlb legend at @mlb all star game homerun derby. That will improve ratings.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) June 24, 2014
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Keep trying, Jose.
USA plays germany soon. Whats the over/ under on people not knowing when the fucking game will end?
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) June 25, 2014
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Always take the over on this one.
Some of you must have had sex with Domino's because why else would they keep apologizing?
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 25, 2014
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I like this theory.
My mother on Suarez: 'If a child bites you, you bite them back and they never bite people again.' This explains a lot…
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 25, 2014
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I like his mom.
Oh, you fly all the time???
Then you must know how annoying it is being talked to
— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) June 25, 2014
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I feel you, Dolph. I feel you.
People don't usually wanna kill me for one of my movies until after they've paid 12 bucks for it. Hiyooooo!!!
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) June 25, 2014
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You know you’re going to start a war, right, Seth. Just sayin’.
congrats to apple on finding a way to call women fat without all those (chicken) fat bloggers losing their minds.
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) June 25, 2014
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And somehow Apple gets over again.
Marry fuck kill: Gary busey, ted nudgent or nick Nolte?
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) June 25, 2014
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Pass?
Sick of people asking me what it's like to be a woman in comedy in interviews. Doesn't anyone wanna know about the male model tail I get?
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) June 25, 2014
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Is that how Roseanne landed Tom Arnold?
Pretty inconsiderate how many World Cup players speak Spanish.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) June 25, 2014
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Seriously, what IS their problem?
Watcha gonna do Germany when the USA runs wild all over YOU!!! Brother,USA Soccer,Lets Do It!!!!! HH
— Hulk Hogan (@HulkHogan) June 25, 2014
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DAMN RIGHT! USA! USA! USA!
I'm thinking about starting a band. Traditionally, people have always liked when actors do that, right?
— Jonah Hill (@JonahHill) June 26, 2014
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No.
Automatic toilet flushers can be so darned aggressive.
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) June 26, 2014
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They really do have a bad attitude sometimes.
If they were to remake The Beaver with Mel Gibson's hand up Gary Oldman's ass, I'd forgive them both.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) June 26, 2014
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Seems fair.
So now I cheer for a loss? I can't. I'm sorry. My brain and heart won't allow it. But I tried. Carry on. #soccer
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) June 26, 2014
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Soccer…
Everyone in this @hooters applauding a loss…
soccer is officially an American sport.
#worldcup #usa
— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) June 26, 2014
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USA! USA! USA!
If they ever start making big wheels for adults I'm never leaving my block.
— Jay Mohr (@jaymohr37) June 26, 2014
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Why would you?
ASU sorority chicks: come to @changinghands bookstore in Tempe 7p tonight for @jennyandteets book signing. Show me ur boobs 4 a free book!
— Jason Biggs (@JasonBiggs) June 26, 2014
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Genius marketing.
Robin Thicks new album is called "babe can u forget about the 3000 chicks i banged? Dont be a bitch, im famous , what do you want from me?
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) June 27, 2014
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Catchy.
I'd rather take a shower with my mom. RT @KimKardashian: Download my new game!
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 27, 2014
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I think I’ll pass on both.
Only "Draft Pick" trending this morning? Isaiah Austin. Bravo NBA once again.
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) June 27, 2014
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It’s FAN-tastic!
Jet set life is stressful, it gets more stressful when ur driver supposed to take u to the airport & confusing with a different airport!
— Bar Refaeli (@BarRefaeli) June 27, 2014
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#firstworldmodelproblems.
The Messi have the sex with whoever he want
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) June 25, 2014
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Have a great weekend, everybody!