Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Related: The 50 most entertaining celebrities to follow on Twitter
Can't wait for that show where that guy yells at those guys who work out all of the time that they're not working out hard enough
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 23, 2014
Oh, it’s coming…
If you send me a text, and in the context of that text you use a word like "clandestine", I just automatically want to fuck you.
— Bree Olson (@BreeOlson) June 23, 2014
Good to know.
I'm older than Patrick Bateman and that's upsetting
— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) June 23, 2014
Odd reference point, but okay.
Remember, Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks. Have a great day :)
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) June 23, 2014
The early bird catches the worm.
— Johnny Weir (@JohnnyGWeir) June 23, 2014
And there went five seconds of our lives.
My goal is to become passionate about being dispassionate.
— Roseanne Barr (@therealroseanne) June 23, 2014
I love twitter! I used to tweet more, think I'm gonna start tweeting more
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) June 23, 2014
If anti-stress body wash worked the world would be a veeery different place
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) June 23, 2014
Yes, we’d all be veering a lot more.
The Bacardis seem like a whiny bunch for booze moguls
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 23, 2014
Rum can be a depressant.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 23, 2014
Just saw a man talking on a pay phone… I should call the cops right?
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) June 23, 2014
I’m halfway through Hillary Clinton’s book. I don’t want to ruin the ending but I bet she kills this guy “Bill.”
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) June 23, 2014
So that’s where the movie’s name came from.
'SHOW ME HER BUTT! SHOW ME THAT GODDAMN BUTT' is what I screamed at the bathing suit website.
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) June 24, 2014
Hey, me too!
Hope Solo called her nephew a pussy, he pulled a gun on her, she punched him, then he beat her with a broom stick. God my family is boring..
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 24, 2014
I don’t care if the black keys play in hell, I’ll go, round trip
— Ireland (@IrelandBBaldwin) June 24, 2014
Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
Sting says he isn't leaving any of his money to his children. Even worse, he's not even leaving them a last name.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) June 24, 2014
Where’s a rimshot when you need one?
Don't bite people.
— Scott Van Pelt (@notthefakeSVP) June 24, 2014
Talking to you, Suarez.
They should have one ex mlb legend at @mlb all star game homerun derby. That will improve ratings.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) June 24, 2014
Keep trying, Jose.
USA plays germany soon. Whats the over/ under on people not knowing when the fucking game will end?
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) June 25, 2014
Always take the over on this one.
Some of you must have had sex with Domino's because why else would they keep apologizing?
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) June 25, 2014
I like this theory.
My mother on Suarez: 'If a child bites you, you bite them back and they never bite people again.' This explains a lot…
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) June 25, 2014
I like his mom.
Oh, you fly all the time??? Then you must know how annoying it is being talked to
— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) June 25, 2014
I feel you, Dolph. I feel you.
People don't usually wanna kill me for one of my movies until after they've paid 12 bucks for it. Hiyooooo!!!
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) June 25, 2014
You know you’re going to start a war, right, Seth. Just sayin’.
congrats to apple on finding a way to call women fat without all those (chicken) fat bloggers losing their minds.
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) June 25, 2014
And somehow Apple gets over again.
Marry fuck kill: Gary busey, ted nudgent or nick Nolte?
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) June 25, 2014
Sick of people asking me what it's like to be a woman in comedy in interviews. Doesn't anyone wanna know about the male model tail I get?
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) June 25, 2014
Is that how Roseanne landed Tom Arnold?
Pretty inconsiderate how many World Cup players speak Spanish.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) June 25, 2014
Seriously, what IS their problem?
Watcha gonna do Germany when the USA runs wild all over YOU!!! Brother,USA Soccer,Lets Do It!!!!! HH
— Hulk Hogan (@HulkHogan) June 25, 2014
DAMN RIGHT! USA! USA! USA!
I'm thinking about starting a band. Traditionally, people have always liked when actors do that, right?
— Jonah Hill (@JonahHill) June 26, 2014
Automatic toilet flushers can be so darned aggressive.
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) June 26, 2014
They really do have a bad attitude sometimes.
If they were to remake The Beaver with Mel Gibson's hand up Gary Oldman's ass, I'd forgive them both.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) June 26, 2014
So now I cheer for a loss? I can't. I'm sorry. My brain and heart won't allow it. But I tried. Carry on. #soccer
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) June 26, 2014
— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) June 26, 2014
USA! USA! USA!
If they ever start making big wheels for adults I'm never leaving my block.
— Jay Mohr (@jaymohr37) June 26, 2014
Why would you?
— Jason Biggs (@JasonBiggs) June 26, 2014
Robin Thicks new album is called "babe can u forget about the 3000 chicks i banged? Dont be a bitch, im famous , what do you want from me?
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) June 27, 2014
I'd rather take a shower with my mom. RT @KimKardashian: Download my new game!
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 27, 2014
I think I’ll pass on both.
Only "Draft Pick" trending this morning? Isaiah Austin. Bravo NBA once again.
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) June 27, 2014
Jet set life is stressful, it gets more stressful when ur driver supposed to take u to the airport & confusing with a different airport!
— Bar Refaeli (@BarRefaeli) June 27, 2014
The Messi have the sex with whoever he want
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) June 25, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!
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