Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Related: The 50 most entertaining celebrities to follow on Twitter
— Dave Bautista (@DaveBautista) April 28, 2014
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) April 28, 2014
Crystal Pepsi… That was a badass drink..
— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) April 28, 2014
Uhh, sure, Blake.
doing some serious soul searching -looking up pre owned @Kia 's online
— Dolph Ziggler (@HEELZiggler) April 28, 2014
That is one of those “take a look at yourself” moments.
Skateboarders, why are you taking over the world ?
— Metta World Peace (@MettaWorldPeace) April 28, 2014
They have a lot of spare time.
I’m always amazed when people pay a billion dollars for something. I would just keep all that.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) April 28, 2014
I bet Paula Deen's assistant has been tirelessly trying to explain to her what Donald Sterling did wrong.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) April 28, 2014
A pointless exercise at best.
HEY EVERYONE!!! Here it is: (310) 493-7939 <– @adamlevine's CELL NUMBER! Think I'm kidding? Try calling it!! Bitch!!!
— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) April 29, 2014
He wasn’t kidding.
Got this 26 years ago. Unfortunately I fully grasped the concept after the second hour. It's gibberish to me now. pic.twitter.com/h6KaHgVQVT
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 29, 2014
That’ll teach him to get a tattoo.
In high school, God was named most likely to be God.
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) April 29, 2014
Going to high school with Him must have totally sucked.
I'm in a taxi & the driver is telling me about his recent hemorrhoid surgery. #blessed
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 29, 2014
Could be worse. He could be showing you.
What if dead people started tweeting? There might be a story in that. Charles Dickens could tell how DROOD was supposed to end.
— Stephen King (@StephenKing) April 29, 2014
Just like that the next Stephen King novel was born.
You know what would be a better ban for Sterling? A ban from society. Like, no one interacts with him until he figures out empathy.
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) April 29, 2014
Can we do that? I don’t think we can.
I am now declaring my intent to buy the Clippers. The uniforms will be the same but bedazzled. @blakegriffin32
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 29, 2014
I like it.
I'm thrilled that @realDonaldTrump has been banned for life.
— Andy Kindler (@AndyKindler) April 29, 2014
I think it's time to retire saying "cray". It had a great run. We'll miss you cray. You were very fun.
— Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) April 29, 2014
Oh, Nick, you so cray.
— Christina Milian (@ChristinaMilian) April 30, 2014
I want to be her friend.
Be brave and free (and suck my d)
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) April 30, 2014
I would totally let you smell my dick
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) April 30, 2014
Related to the previous tweet?
Golden State has pretty nice uniforms for a junior college
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 30, 2014
Oh no he din’t.
"There's another one. And another! And another! Didn't anyone listen to me?!" – Donald Sterling surveying the crowd, on TV, from home
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) April 30, 2014
I think that was “actual audio” as well.
With comments such as "lay with them but don't take photos" Donald Sterling doesn't even qualify as a rational bigot.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) April 30, 2014
Wait, there are “rational” bigots?
Someone needs to write movie review reviews.
— Camilla Cleese (@CamillaCleese) April 30, 2014
Buzzfeed’s next project.
So now I have to like stand near a loud air conditioner when I want to say something racist to my mistress?
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 30, 2014
Uh, sure, Rob, that’d work.
My daughter is afraid Mickey Rourke is hiding under her bed. I guess it’s possible. Going to check. Yup, he’s there.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) April 30, 2014
I was wondering what happened to him.
Floyd Mayweather will make a minimum of $888,888 per in-fight MINUTE on Saturday if he goes the distance http://t.co/DtA4UI6w2V
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) May 1, 2014
So how’s your job going?
Whenever Twitter recommends I follow people who are apparently "just like me" I start to realize I'm not as awesome as I thought I was.
— Adam Levine (@adamlevine) May 1, 2014
Twitter really needs to stop doing that.
Did Rob Ford wait until Donald Sterling was sentenced to Clown Jail before he resumed doing crack on video?
— Harry Shearer (@theharryshearer) May 1, 2014
He is savvy like that.
I’m looking for something that’ll help me burn stored fat. I’ve got like twenty jars of it in my cellar.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) May 1, 2014
I ate shrimp at the airport yesterday & now I have to put my underpants in a dumpster behind a pet store
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) May 1, 2014
I think we’ve all been there, right?
Is it like an unspoken rule now that if you're a girl at any type of concert, you have to wear a belly shirt ?
— alexandria morgan (@AlexandriaMorgz) May 1, 2014
Congrats to everyone nominated for an Emmy! Whether you're on my show, or another, I wish the same thing- that you thank me in your speech.
— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) May 1, 2014
Burned my thumb on set today. iPhone fingerprint ID won't work. Pretty sure I can get away with murder as long as I only use my thumb.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) May 2, 2014
It’s interesting how eating ice cream can make a child look so happy and make an adult look so pathetic.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) May 2, 2014
It’s worth it though.
SPIDER MAN IS AMAZING OH MY GOD !!!!!! PLEASE GO WATCH IT
— Jaden Smith (@officialjaden) May 2, 2014
Good enough for me.
Churchill Downs says it will sell 425,000 cans of beer this weekend
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) May 2, 2014
And that’s just to Rob Ford.
Iron Sheik for the Mayor of the Toronto or GO FUCK YOURSELF #sheikmovie
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) May 1, 2014
Have a great weekend, everybody!
I want more like this!
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